I feel what's to happen, all happened before.

No matter how “busy” a person’s day may be if they really care and really love, they’ll always find time for you and for what needs to be done.
Sometimes it sucks being strong, because when people know that you are strong, they think that it is ok to hurt you over and over again.

please let this not be a heartbreak

a few more days and i get to be somewhere happy. it's the only happy thing that kept me going through the very difficult days this month. so am i excited? you bet!!!
especially that i am looking forward to a promise. a promise that will lead to many more happy days and happy thoughts.

i am counting on a biiiiiiig promise made a few months back. i have faith the promise was kept. i honestly don't want to be disappointed again this time. i can't bear another heart break. right now, i am throwing away every fear i have in my self because i have faith in the promise-maker. i know this second time is when the promise will be kept. it will be done. no excuses. i'm done with excuses.and i was promised no excuses.

it's what's keeping me sane. this time, i know and have faith that i will be given what i want.
i trust that the promise was kept. this time i have no doubt about it.


the future is bright.

hmmmmmmm.....

just got back from my niece's bday party and while talking to my cousins and aunts and uncles, one of them shared this: "There is no such word as "loved". Love has no past tense. If you ever stop loving someone, then you never truly loved them in the first place."

the rest of the night, it got stuck in my head

i have a lot of things to say, a lot of things on my mind bothering me. a lot of questions wanting to be answered. each day that things are not made right means another day away from the future, from what my heart desires. 

sometimes, the world does pour too much negative vibes on you. 

i hope and pray next week will be full of positive ones. it's less than a week til i get on that plane and find out if really, things will be made right. if promises are kept.

if my heart's desire will come to reality.

g'nyt friends.

pakot gid!

something-something gid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- insert looooooooooooooong sigh here -

will i ever get what i want?
will i ever be freed from my fears?

times like these make me want to just pack up and leave. i miss the beach!

something is absolutely wrong.

i can feel it.

i can sense it.

today had been another very difficult day.

i have so much to say, so many stories to tell and yet i feel that the person i want to talk to most isn't even interested nor cares for them, in the same way that i care and would like to know every little thing about this person's days.

two more days for this work week. three meetings to go, more students to tell the bad news to...and maybe another encounter with the v.

please please let the difficult days be done and over with. i am just so tired. i feel so alone and unimportant. unloved.

may we all have a good night's sleep.

i need a break

 

i need to be far far faaaaar away from all the shizness

things haven't been going well these days: arguments, badmouthing, physical violence, misunderstandings, shoutings, cursings, disappointments, fear.

i am tired. physically, mentally, emotionally.

and i can't even talk to that one person i want to share every happening with.

it just hurts.

Everyday we face a lot of choices. 

To be happy or sad. To forgive or not. To run the race or to give up. 

To live or to hurt. To love or to hate.

i made my choice and right now my choice is making me feel hurt, alone, unloved.

whew!

when i posted last night that something is still coming, i didn't expect it to come this morning. and i have a feeling it didn't end today...this will go on till next week.

it has been a very difficult day. and i feel so alone.

i know something is still about to come...so please just let this pass soooooon

i feel so alone

so tired and still foreseeing more stress in the days to come

Wouldn't it be great if we could speak our minds, exactly what we think when we think them? To have the courage to just blurt it out with exactly as little care as we take when we have those thoughts?

Surely it would hurt.

But wouldn't it make all these people that are so easily offended learn to toughen up eventually? We’d all learn to be more tolerant, if not totally understanding. And, really, isn’t courage to handle the truth, to dole it out and accept it, too...the better thing anyway?

We judge because we’re judged, we attack because we’re attacked. And we become less and less human and more and more cruel. Bridges get burned. Hearts get broken. Hurt people hurt people constantly and effectively.

I think we should all just stop doing that.

let me have a good night's sleep tonight please

i am so tired mentally, emotionally.
it's days like these that make me question myself, am i that bad to deserve these bullshit? could it also be the reason why things are not going my way? why i can't seem to get what i want?
i'm scared. i have set my heart and all of me on this one thing, i might not get it coz i might not deserve it (no matter how much i want it or how much i think i deserve it).

give me physical pain. just not these kinds of emotional and mental pains.

this is how i feel right now

 

there are just too many reasons to feel sad and bad about.

sometimes it's just too much of everything and i wanna run away

received an unexpected email today which said:

"Don’t give up. Not when what you’ve been working for, walking towards, waiting to happen is so near. Far too many people give up too soon..without a clear indication of how near you actually are, the decision to let go is much too easy to make. But no matter how long you’ve been running the race, it’s always too late/too early to quit. Have faith in God that He will run the race for you. You just need to set your heart on finishing.

It’s always going to be worth it in the end."

i needed that.
thank you.

over the weekend

 

 

visited friends

faced a fear

got some work done

had lots of thinking done

good kind of tired!

it's cake day

thankful for reasons to be thankful for despite the shitty day i had today =(

tiring tuesday

  
but very productive!
we were able to collect a lot of goodies for the kids at SOS Children's Village and for the elders at Asilo.

aaaand......

i got some chocolates again!!! suh-weeeeet!!

Today was jampacked and I know the coming days will be, too. There's still a fear creeping over me and I am trying so hard to let it go coz I know and believe my person won't disappoint me. still...i am scared.

But despite all that, I am thankful. There will always be something to be thankful for.

letters

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again. And I hope you find that one person who will love you as much as you love him coz you deserve nothing less.”

- my manang C wrote me this a few years back when i was having a difficult time. i saw her letter earlier this evening while i was fixing my stuff and it got me thinking and made me realize a lot of things.

oh, life.

Nan.

a lot of things need to be done. asap. really asap.

what else i did the past days: met up with my fab girls and ate a lot!

so happy to see them! and to eat yumyum too!

what i did over the weekend

 left in the morning, went to school chapel and attended a conference
and then........

climbed a mountain

had a coffee date before travelling back to the city

waited in line just so our electricity won't get cut off

food tripped with lovely friends

 

and fixed our balay-balay!

one month is too long til i get back to our home