December

i was all set to whine tonight but then there are a lot of things these past two weeks that i should be thankful for and happy about. like

 

thoughtful friends who sent some of my favorite stuff 

new babies in the barkada (that's little Grum-grum)

some girl bonding with my ffai  - complete with tears and laughter and what-nots

(and yes, i will talk about this soon)

and lastly,

time with my boys. it was short but i really did enjoy it and i hope for more in the near future.

i know i have been so scared and fearful and doubtful the majority of this year. i have my reasons, believe me. i wanna let those reasons go and focus on the happy thoughts but every time i expect something - every time i put my faith on promises made - my heart gets crushed and i feel all sorts of disappointments and sadness and sometimes despair. and then lots and lots of tears. i said and have been saying my prayers every day and i can only hope that I will be given what i want- what my heart really really truly wants.

it's December 5th. Christmas-time. I haven't even started on my own Christmas gifts. I already bought everyone theirs but as of the moment, none for me. i don't even know what I want - well, I do but that's a different story (and i wantwantwantwaaaaaaaaaant it so bad i'm scared i won't have it).

it's time to enjoy the season and the last days of this rollercoaster year.