I really think all friendships/relationships are appointed by God. All the conversations between people, not accidental. The time they spend together, when and where they spend it exactly, definitely not random. I am excited over the coming days, weeks, months.

a lot can happen, yea?

I See the Light

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be swept off your feet. Every girl deserves to feel like a princess. And every princess deserves a prince who will slay dragons, scale towers and lay even his life for her.

And that sometimes, frogs are just frogs.

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone" - Audrey Hepburn

It takes an Audrey Hepburn to be able to live like this. It needs a good amount of strength, understanding, patience and wisdom to be able to talk words of kindness at all times.

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
-- Author Unknown


I have been thru a lot. I have so many reasons to fall apart, but I have more reasons not to. Not this time when I know that this is real as real can get. I'm here. I'm staying.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

i am a sunny, cheerful, positive-thinking person but lately

a lot of things have been bothering me

which leads me to be

tired and sleepy a lot.

summer break's about to start. i. can't. wait.

Day Eight: Three messages for three different persons.

thank you for always believing in me. in a big, scary, changing world, you are one of my constants. we need not be physically together to know that our bond is as strong as strong is. i will always be grateful for you.

i don't want you in our lives but i know you will really never be able to go away because you two share something special. i am still trying to be okay with that.

we may not see each other eye to eye lately but i know that things will eventually fall into their proper places. i know what you want for and from me and i understand completely. i want those same things too. i love you. i will always be your little girl.

questions

How do you know if something's right for you?

How do know that you're not being gypped?

Why do i feel that something isn't right?

What comes first: the right guy or the right time?

How do you make sure that your heart will not suffer the same sad things again?

If it’s really the inside that counts, then why do looks matter so much?

Why is it easier and faster to change for the worse than the better?

Why are things easier said than done? Why is it that people say they'll get on it ASAP and yet take years doing so?

How can I be really loving to one person and indifferent to another, when there’s only ONE me? Is it because one brings out the best in me and the other brings the worst?

Can we not be in unconditional happiness if we’ve never been soaked in pain?

How do you stop yourself from worrying too much?

Why do i have this tendency to spoil and yet not be spoiled in return (when i'm a girl and i should be the one getting spoiled, right?) ?

Is honesty really the best policy? Because if it is, then it’s better to tell a friend that she gained weight, that his girl is cheating on him, and that indeed it was your kabarkada who stole the cellphone? Oh, and is it better to tell your best friend that you’re in love with him, only to screw up the years of friendship that you had? If you choose the latter, do you make it tactful to make things better? Even so, the outcome doesn’t change, because the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is well, truth.

Are you not over him/her because you can’t, or you don’t want to?

How powerful are words on you?

How much should I believe in the power of things that are meant to be?

How come we say we get stronger after every hurtful experience, but when something similar happens, we still cry, as if we weren’t sufficiently hurt in the past memory?

How come sometimes silence is the most comfortable noise?

How can I be in a room full of people and still feel alone? On the other hand, how come I can watch Veronica Mars episodes by myself and feel so contented that I’m not sharing my popcorn with anyone?

Why am I wasting my time thinking of all these stupid questions? Am I making you think about answers to these questions? If yes, are you hating me for it? Or worse, are my questions making me seem like I have nothing better to do than think too much?

What do you think?

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
-- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Day Seven: Four turn ons.

A man who can take charge but who isn't afraid to be dominated. Someone who is tough but has a sensitive side too.

A man who is good with kids

A man with a brain and a good sense of humor.

Good manners.

c'mon let's join us =)

Day Six: Five turn offs.

i find this hard but the first five that come to mind are:

Bad manners

The narcissist

No sense of humor

Foul odor

Lack of intellect or at the least someone who cannot hold a decent conversation

just a thought

I find it funny how God confirms that my feelings are valid and my observations are founded. A lot of the times I doubt myself and what I see and brush off my conclusions as judgmental... worrying, even, that I really might not have the purest eyes or the best of intentions. But when other people separate from me bring up the same thoughts—that’s sort of like saying I’m not alone, right?

i need a pair of fitflops

my fitflops need to retire soon so i need a new pair to take over.

these two are classics

but this new model is kinda cute too:

i like this one. it's not my color but it's cute!

and of course my staple color

and i want this too!

but i have to pay my bills first and buy more important stuff for my march trip

oh well.... i guess you'll just have to wait, fitflops

((siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh))

today

...i helped dad fix my car (i got into a little accident last thursday afternoon) from this

to this

it took a lot of hammering and gluing (i dunno the exact word)

...i hurt someone i love. i got this person angry at me and i just feel absolutely awful about it. i have been apologizing and i even wrote something but my apologies were not accepted. i know i'm at fault. i had the best intentions but it was not the right thing to do.

...i went to church to light candles and pray. yesterday i asked God to stop the bad dreams and they did. sadly, one of those bad dreams - one thing i am scared of: making this person mad at me - happened. so i prayed again. for this person. for the bad dreams to stop and for them to not happen. and i prayed for guidance and strength. and love. for what's best for everyone.

...just before i was about to go home, i got a message from a friend and i decided to meet up with her for coffee. we talked about common friends and we talked about how she has been since i last saw her. at first, i was not really into wanting to meet up with her because i was feeling really bad and i didn't want my nega-vibes on her but i know made a good decision because i learned something during our conversation. i believe there are no coincidences and that things happen for a reason so i know that conversation was bound to happen.

..and now i still feel awful. i've never felt this bad - this sad - in such a long time. and i am tired. tired of thinking things over and over again.

i hope tomorrow will be a better day.

“I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God- it changes me.”
- C.S. Lewis

((for now: Lord, please. No more bad dreams. It's scaring me too much.

Daw di ko na gid kaya.))

Day Five: Six wishes for yourself or for other people this year

i wish my father good health. he just retired and right now, i can see that he's still looking for his new "routine". i hope he enjoys his retirement and grow old happy and healthy.

i wish my brother won't give up on his studies. law school is tough but i believe he's tougher. i know he can finish this on time and emerge a bar passer (topnotcher, pwede? hahaha)

i wish for good health and safety for all my loved ones.

i wish plans will push through smoothly and in the least time possible.

i wish we'd always have each other.

i wish 2012 will be the start of awesome-ness in our lives.

Listen!!!!

i like david guetta's and usher's



but i have to say rachel tugged at my heartstrings with this:



I can't win, I can't reign I will never win this game
I am lost, I am vain, I will never be the same
I won't run, I won't fly I will never make it by
I can't rest, I can't fight All I need is you and I
Without you

this comes a close second:

Day Four: Seven ways to win your heart.

1. Love me (say it, and more importantly, show it).

2. Love laughing and being funny. Love learning. Love hugs and kisses.

3. Have passions and ambitions. Share my dreams but have your own (and we will share them too).

4. Live a life of patience, hard work, respectability and integrity.

5. Show me that you care, you're (sincerely) concerned about me.

6. Love my uber-extended family.

7. Listen to me. Be honest with me.

over coffee

had coffee with some friends earlier and while talking about relationships starting and failing and getting scared about getting into another one again, one of them said this:

“the best I can guess is that it’s a combination of recognizing the person that’s right for each of us, grabbing hold and holding on tight when the chance presents itself, having a good portion of luck, faith, prayers and constant, open truthful communication so that both people evolve together. And I believe that the best part of rich and diverse experiences is having someone with whom to share it.”

that's just sweet!!

...and now i miss our coffee dates

Day Three: Eight things that cross your mind a lot.

1. masarangan ayhan?
2. maumpisahan kag madasig matapos ayhan?
3. kadugay gid marelease ang papers ko from grad school haw?
4. maintindihan nila ayhan?
5. gahalong sya ayhan? ginapati nya ayhan hambal ko? pareho gid man ayhan gusto namon? o basi napilitan lang? ako lang ya dapat. indi pwede hulam. kulba ko gyapon.
6. ano na ni dayon? maano na ko dason?
7. paano? ngaa? tuod ayhan? sakto ayhan? makay-o ayhan?
8. paano na ang future?

i worry a darn lot. i am scared a lot.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

i already posted this and this so for this post, let me just share what i've learned about myself from last year.

1. i am braver than i give myself credit for.
2. i broke a lot of my "rules" last year
3. i still find it difficult to make friends with people. i still rarely make the first move.
4. i could be smart and stupid at the same time (this, from zsa, pete, vinoi, bimboy)
5. i have more patience than i thought i had
6. i come off cool and collected but inside, i just wanna scream (case in point: kagina sang nabungguan ako)
7. i really do worry a lot
8.i cry a lot
9. i am excited for august!

Day One: Ten things you want to do this year.

oooooookaaaaaaaay....this isn't a list of my resolutions but i guess it's a start:

1. travel more. i wanna do another LuzViMin this year and maybe a trip abroad too.
i wanna go to new places and go back to places i’ve been to before, but with my best friend this time *excited*
2. read a non-school book every month (or maybe even two)
3. go on a roadtrip with no predetermined destination. get lost in a new place with someone i love.
4. see more plays and/or concerts
5. skydive (this will prolly still be on my list next year) or at least rappel/dive off a cliff
6. start a business on my own or with a trusted friend
7. work on that plan B or C or D
8. get my papers at Centro. it has been a year and they still can't release my papers =/
9. I will stay committed. to becoming healthier. to pursuing my passions. to being committed. to being braver. to believe in myself more. to believe that things will be right soon.
10. drink more water =)

a new challenge

Day One: Ten things you want to do this year.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Four: Seven ways to win your heart.

Day Five: Six wishes for yourself or for other people this year

Day Six: Five turn offs.

Day Seven: Four turn ons.

Day Eight: Three messages for three different persons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession.

i'll be starting this tomorrow =)

thank you!!!!!

I'm one of those suckers who appreciates the littlest acts of words or kindness from people. A compliment, even something as shallow as a reference to my wardrobe (lately it's my hair), makes me grin from ear to ear. I'm a pack rat and I've kept cards, notes, Post-It letters, and handmade gifts that friends and family have given me through the years (i have a mini-baul).

Today, a close friend remembered that my classes will run for 9hours straight. She visited me in the lab and got me this, a favorite:


and then another friend left these two tubs for me at the office (which were then brought to the lab and i shared them with the people there)


I'm so happy that I have something to munch on when my stomach starts to growl. I'm happy that I was able to share my blessings. Most importantly, I'm happy to have been remembered.

Salamat gid!!!!

no lies

I have found that people lie for one main reason: to protect themselves. When they say they lie because they don’t want to hurt others–well, they’re lying to themselves. That’s a cop out. They do not want to face the consequences of their lie–the truth they are trying to protect. They do not want to take responsibility for the hurt they will see manifested in another human being. So, they take the easy way out and compound this hurt by weaving more lies. What they fail to see is that the truth literally sets everyone free. It sounds like such a cliché but it’s true. The truth hurts but it is a well-lit path towards healing. A lie is a muddy path to nowhere.

Lies always wound. They damage people because the very essence of man is aligned with Truth, whether we are aware of it or not. Any lie is an act of violence towards another person’s soul and spirit. Everyone knows when a lie is in the air. We sense it. But if someone we trust and love is lying to our face, our defenses kick in and we start to think we are wrong, because how could they knowingly envelop us in darkness? How could anyone consciously and willfully take the light away from us? This very process of unwarranted self-doubt is but one example of how lies wound others. There are many more.

Lies hurt deeply. They are like sharp winds that blow out the one bright flame so that everyone is left in total darkness–all without a choice about how to take the next step forward. How can anybody make an informed choice when they do not have facts to work with? Already, whatever they decide to do will be wrong or inadequate, simply because they jumped off the wrong premise.

Watching a seasoned liar is a scary thing. It makes me want to run away. They get to the point of being so good at it they actually believe what they’re saying. They lie to themselves and believe every word they say. But if your lie-radar is good you’ll still see it anyway: the too-elaborate stories, each one weaving too seamlessly into the next, the eyes that are shifting too fast because they’re concocting the next lie and checking to see if you’re onto them, all at the same time!

Lies bury you deeper and deeper in muck. You lie, you have to lie again and again to protect the whole stream of lies you’ve already told. It is just weight upon toxic weight that you pour on yourself and release into the world. I think it is plain cruel to lie or deceive anyone, especially those you love. Unfortunately, these are the people we feel we need to lie to the most, out of the totally false excuse of protecting them from the truth. What a distorted way to love!

Lies have hurt me so may times in the past so it is so refreshing to know that I am not being lied to this time. that there are no secrets between us. that we are on the same page about that promise of being honest and not having secrets. that we can just talk about anything and everything without fear of being judged. that we can just be our real true selves. i pray that we keep that promise always. that we will have each other always.