manaoag

 my friends sent me these pics from manaoag.

they lighted candles for me and my prayers.

i am thankful.

M-

I am not an expert on heartbreak but here's my take on what you told me earlier

Severing a relationship is often difficult, especially if one person is more emotionally invested than the other and is usually a recipient of neglect. However, in almost all cases, those who hurt the most will probably end up happier because in hindsight, when the healing begins and they learn the painful lessons of being taken for granted, they discover their true worth. And, hopefully, they will no longer settle for crumbs.

I have my share of heartbreaks and each one brought a different kind of pain, but in order to grow a person you must feel all manner of emotions. Sometimes we hurt and have no control over it. We must experience pain in order to know the depths of true joy when we find it. We must have one to know the value of the other.

Let time heal your wound. In the near future, as you look back and see how far you've come, you'll realize that this had to happen in order for you to be a better person.

I'm here. The whole family's here.Never feel alone and unloved.

so this is what i remember....

1. Sam: You ready for this? 

    Alex Hopper: I'm going to walk up to him. Look at him right in the eyes. 

    Sam: What are you going to say? 

    Alex Hopper: Your daughter is the best thing that has happened to me in my entire life.It would be an honor to have your permission to marry her. 

2. the brave Lolos *sniff

took two viewings to finally finish the film...LOL =)

right now

soon

*photo borrowed from abby

birthday 2012

  

  

 

 

my birthday started a few days back. i gave up my favorite pair of raybans for something i was looking forward to for such a long time but didn't push through. it was hard at first and heartbreaking, really, but i an feeling better now. anyways the "where" is not as important as the "who" accdg to one very smart person and i agree. and i got a lot of realizations and memories in exchange. i know i will want that cancelled thing to push through one day but i can wait. more important things need to be done with.

right now, i am thankful for another year. i am looking forward to many more - much much more - happy memories and plans and hopes and dreams that will come true.

A year today.

 A higher power was looking out for me when it gave me this one.

Thank you, God. It was unexpected but it was more than I ever hoped for.

Now let's get over that hump.

i'm waving the white flag.

why does it look so bleak?

it still hurts. still thinking about the Fr. C's words: "not give up" yet "give it up". i thought i can fight for it. i thought i can prove it wrong. i wanted it. but i was not able to make it happen. i wanna be okay but know it will take some time for me to be fully that.

right now, i just want this

please please please let me have a wonderfully amazing happy-ful, memories-filled love-ful pre-birthday vacation.

aga pa sa chapel

"maybe you can "can't give up" on a dream/on someone but still "give up" on some factors about it because that's the best thing to do for you and maybe not even for you but for the other person" - Fr. C

i was warned this will happen. i was told i will get my heart broken and i will be hurt but i told myself i will fight for this. i will prove it to be wrong because i have all the reasons why this will have to push through.

sakit gyapon. sakit-sakit gid ya.

so this is how it feels

your heart beats really fast. your head starts to ache. you realized you're shaking.

suddenly, everything got blurry. everything. they all started to appear wobbly. you try to be strong. you tell yourself you have to get through the day and deal with it away from everyone. but you know you just can't. it's paralyzing.

then all the fears rushed in. and you question yourself. you question everything. maybe you see some things you haven't seen before, and no matter how you try to reason things out (excuses schmexcuses; you know you want actions/results, not excuses), no matter how much you try to be okay...you just can't. and you know you won't be for some time.

and just before leaving school, you meet one last guest - the eighth (8....funny how the universe throws shit at you) today - who started to unfairly lash out at you for reasons you know are valid (not that it's your fault)...and then the tears started coming, alarming even the person talking shit to you.

so you lie to the guest you sympathize with her dilemma and you promised you will work on her request and you know you will tomorrow because you need to get yourself sooooooooooooooo busy to numb the hurt.

and you cry while driving and you stop the tears so the people you visit won't see. and then you cry again while driving home.

and now that you're home, you still can't stop the tears. you get scared again. you feel all sorts of feelings, but mostly, you feel sorry for yourself.

stop world. please let me get off.

i want!!!

so near yet so far....yet again

the past days have been so heavy on my heart. i was told i might not get this but i prayed so hard it would be wrong. after all, plans are set and leaves have been filed (or so i thought).
and i am so set and so excited this is finally coming.
and then.....(insert long sigh here)

earlier this afternoon, tita W, shared with me this photo



i still feel sad. i feel bad. and to top it all off, i feel sorry for myself (something that i really try not to let happen coz this means i am at my lowest of lows). i am not okay.

getting myself ready for the news tomorrow.

goodnight friends. 

just got home from date night with my brother.

and  just have to say this out loud coz it just makes me feel sad....

i am soooooo tired. and frustrated. and did i mention sad?

 i planned so long for this. waited so long for what were supposed to be happy "us" days. and just when i am bursting with excitement, once again, it feels as if i will never get what i want.

it's just heartbreaking.

*i might take this post down one day but right now it's just so depressing. right now, i am NOT ok

Dishonesty is to act without honesty. It is used to describe a lack of probity, cheating, lying or being deliberately deceptive.

Cheating refers to an immoral way of achieving a goal. It is generally used for the breaking of rules to gain advantage in a given situation.

Flirting or coquetry is a sexual activity involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest with the other person. The person flirting will send out signals of sexual availability to another, and expects to see the interest returned in order to continue flirting. Flirting can involve non-verbal signs, such as an exchange of glances, hand-touching, hair-touching, or verbal signs, such as chatting up, flattering comments, and exchange of telephone numbers in order to initiate further contact.

there are no grey areas. 

there are no "levels"

cheating. lying. flirting. 

dishonesty.

it's just is.

there's no "harmless" form. 

all you end up is hurting the people who love you.

Walk well.

There’s open doors, doors forced open and doors that blast off from their hinges just because you come nearer. Today, I learned the difference.

There is wisdom (and much salvation from future grief) in knowing the difference.

Easier said than done isn't it?

"We lose ourselves when we hold on to anger thinking it is a weapon to get back at those who hurt us, instead we adversely let others have a say over our emotions. Be angry but do not keep it inside. Squeeze everything out until the only thing left is the person that was there before all the hurt.

Someone who is drowning in the river of turmoil can only be saved by the person who built the dam of resentment. To attain harmony within is a choice you have to make and no one else". – Dodinsky

faith

God placed hopes and dreams in my heart a long time ago. I thought they were dead and buried good… until a very very special one was reawakened late last year. I prayed so hard for an answer. I still don’t get why, although I am very thankful for my answered prayer. This dream is what my heart longs for and sometimes I get scared I might not get it. And with current circumstances as they are, it seems even more impossible still that it’ll come true. But I’m hopeful that even when I don’t see His hand, it is at work. All I need to do is have faith that things will be right really really soon.

*Just had to remind myself that. Ok. Good night.

in the future

i beg to differ...

 

dependability...character...those are sexy