what i learned today

I was talking to a friend a little while ago and was telling her about my woes. God’s really funny in a way that when I was feeling all panicky, He sends all sorts of people and things to comfort me. Not necessarily cheer me up, but make me feel a bit better.

I remember saying a couple of days ago during my morning prayer: I shall remove worry from my vocabulary. I should also remove the word failure, fear, insecurity, disappointment and all those negative things that I know God doesn’t want me to feel. He’s set me free, after all. He’s made a way for me already, and I just have to take that jump and dive in head first.

I CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO THIS. I KNOW I CAN.

Lord, just please...? That’s all I ask. Set me free from this negativity. And please keep me patient. Give me something to do while I’m waiting so I won’t feel clock ticking.

I know You have a plan for me, and I know that this is a part of Your way to shape me.



Lord, please, don’t make the entire waiting process hurt too much.

goodbyes

my aunt died last week. this morning, she was laid to rest. one of her friends gave a touching eulogy about how my aunt, despite her being sick and battling cancer for 22 years, was a blessing for their group of friends, and that despite their not seeing each other for almost 6 years, she was always remembered and kept close to their hearts.

i've been thinking about the people in my life. people who have been in it for a long time and people who i just met. people who left. people who are still here. i think about how they are playing their own roles in my life. how they played their roles in my life.

i have a problem with saying goodbye, whether i made the decision to leave or they did.

I read this in thought catalog: Saying goodbye is most difficult when there is a part of you which believes it is only a “see you later.” You would never fully admit it, but you intend on seeing them again. You count on them making certain changes — changes that you know in your heart are in their best interest — and coming back to you a new person, ready to accept and give the love you so desire. We construct entire imaginary people who will return to our lives, people who borrow lightly on the qualities we know they actually have and fill in the blanks with a million hopeful improvements. They will be better, they will be stronger, and yet they will still retain all of the things we cherry-picked when we loved them....Sometimes, though, you have to say goodbye....Sometimes we wish it would be a “see you later,” but are relieved to find that it was really a “goodbye.”

honestly, i am scared because some people in my life right now are just perfect for me. but they might leave. they might be lessons and not blessings like what i want them to be.

“Love is a verb, not a noun. It is active. Love is not just feelings of passion and romance. It is behavior. If a man lies to you, he is behaving badly and unlovingly toward you. 

He is disrespecting you and your relationship. The words “I love you” are not enough to make up for that. Don’t kid yourself that they are.” 

― Susan Forward

always

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Oh yes, that summer.

   

sick sick girl

right now i am in bed - feverish, body aching all over, about to sunggod too - with my laptop and my brother's phone for  the internet connection. the past weeks have been really harsh. i was just so busy that i barely had time to get enough sleep. and so my body caved in to the stress.

been calling the one person i want to talk to so badly but the person isnt picking up the celphone so it's really adding more anxiety on me.

Reflecting on the past weeks made me realize that there seems to be a “flavor of the moment” for whatever God is teaching me. Let’s make a list to see what they were:

Having faith and claiming what God has promised. it’s all about believing that God will bring you through whatever difficult time you’ve been experiencing. Pretty simple, but quite hard when you’re right in the middle of it.

God doesn’t like mediocrity.  I’m still a work in progress over this and it’s not easy. But I’ve learned that God always deserves the best because He always reserves the best for us. :)

God reveals His will to those who seek it. I’ve always thought that God likes to play hide-and-seek with His children with regards to His will, and that we have to pray extra hard if we want to know His plans. But lately I’ve been learning that God really does reveal His will to those who truly seek it with their heart. I realized that He won’t withhold something from us if it’s for our good, and that includes His plans. The praying part is still a must, of course. :)

God’s will is our innermost desire. I always thought that whatever I want, God’s got to want something else. Or something like that. I’ve always thought that whenever I want something, I must be selfish about it because I want it, not God. Then I learned that God’s will is within us already — it’s our deepest desire. Keyword is deepest, not most shallow. :P

Evil is evil. There’s no such thing as lesser evil; it’s still evil. Thank you to father J for this! :) Sometimes I tend to justify that what I’m doing (such as gossiping) is not that bad, because it’s not like murder or something…but then God made me see that it’s still the same. It’s still a sin, and it’s still evil, even if I didn’t really kill someone physically. When making choices, there’s no such thing as lesser evil; only evil and good. And oftentimes, the road to the good one is not easy, but who says Christian life is easy anyway?

Love is a commitment. You commit to another person, through thick and thin, missed phone calls and unanswered text/chat messages. You don't get pissed easily but talk things out. It doesn't mean that not answering calls/messages and ignoring the person you love is ok coz it will never be okay but it's working on your relationship. And as far as commitment is concerned, that includes loving God. I learned not to base my relationship with God on feelings alone, and when I say I love God, I must mean it. Because when He says He loves me, He means it. No matter how bad I am.
To be a saint of God is to live in reckless abandon, always surrendering to Him. – Oswald Chambers, paraphrased by me.

God has plans for me, all I need to do is jump. The hardest part is jumping…but it brings good fruits. Haha. Lord, keep on teaching me to just jump when You call.

Sometimes when God teaches us a lesson, He gets hurt in teaching us in the process. Probably one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn lately. It occured to me that when God teaches me something and I keep on failing to learn it, I hurt Him in the process because I sin. It’s kind of hard to explain with an example…but it’s like God wants to teach me a lesson on, say, being truthful. But I am having a hard time learning it because I keep on lying. But everytime I realize I’ve lied, I’d go to Him, ask for forgiveness and try again…and then do the same thing. And the cycle continues. But God is still patient with me and sticks with me even if I keep on hurting Him. Now that’s amazing, isn’t it?

There’s more, but brother wants his phone back already.  I should now be sleeping before my dad makes me. besides, tomorrow  I need to be up and back to work (yes, i will go to work despite being sick; i will just be late though) :P

G'night everyone! sweet dreams!