sick sick girl

right now i am in bed - feverish, body aching all over, about to sunggod too - with my laptop and my brother's phone for  the internet connection. the past weeks have been really harsh. i was just so busy that i barely had time to get enough sleep. and so my body caved in to the stress.

been calling the one person i want to talk to so badly but the person isnt picking up the celphone so it's really adding more anxiety on me.

Reflecting on the past weeks made me realize that there seems to be a “flavor of the moment” for whatever God is teaching me. Let’s make a list to see what they were:

Having faith and claiming what God has promised. it’s all about believing that God will bring you through whatever difficult time you’ve been experiencing. Pretty simple, but quite hard when you’re right in the middle of it.

God doesn’t like mediocrity.  I’m still a work in progress over this and it’s not easy. But I’ve learned that God always deserves the best because He always reserves the best for us. :)

God reveals His will to those who seek it. I’ve always thought that God likes to play hide-and-seek with His children with regards to His will, and that we have to pray extra hard if we want to know His plans. But lately I’ve been learning that God really does reveal His will to those who truly seek it with their heart. I realized that He won’t withhold something from us if it’s for our good, and that includes His plans. The praying part is still a must, of course. :)

God’s will is our innermost desire. I always thought that whatever I want, God’s got to want something else. Or something like that. I’ve always thought that whenever I want something, I must be selfish about it because I want it, not God. Then I learned that God’s will is within us already — it’s our deepest desire. Keyword is deepest, not most shallow. :P

Evil is evil. There’s no such thing as lesser evil; it’s still evil. Thank you to father J for this! :) Sometimes I tend to justify that what I’m doing (such as gossiping) is not that bad, because it’s not like murder or something…but then God made me see that it’s still the same. It’s still a sin, and it’s still evil, even if I didn’t really kill someone physically. When making choices, there’s no such thing as lesser evil; only evil and good. And oftentimes, the road to the good one is not easy, but who says Christian life is easy anyway?

Love is a commitment. You commit to another person, through thick and thin, missed phone calls and unanswered text/chat messages. You don't get pissed easily but talk things out. It doesn't mean that not answering calls/messages and ignoring the person you love is ok coz it will never be okay but it's working on your relationship. And as far as commitment is concerned, that includes loving God. I learned not to base my relationship with God on feelings alone, and when I say I love God, I must mean it. Because when He says He loves me, He means it. No matter how bad I am.
To be a saint of God is to live in reckless abandon, always surrendering to Him. – Oswald Chambers, paraphrased by me.

God has plans for me, all I need to do is jump. The hardest part is jumping…but it brings good fruits. Haha. Lord, keep on teaching me to just jump when You call.

Sometimes when God teaches us a lesson, He gets hurt in teaching us in the process. Probably one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn lately. It occured to me that when God teaches me something and I keep on failing to learn it, I hurt Him in the process because I sin. It’s kind of hard to explain with an example…but it’s like God wants to teach me a lesson on, say, being truthful. But I am having a hard time learning it because I keep on lying. But everytime I realize I’ve lied, I’d go to Him, ask for forgiveness and try again…and then do the same thing. And the cycle continues. But God is still patient with me and sticks with me even if I keep on hurting Him. Now that’s amazing, isn’t it?

There’s more, but brother wants his phone back already.  I should now be sleeping before my dad makes me. besides, tomorrow  I need to be up and back to work (yes, i will go to work despite being sick; i will just be late though) :P

G'night everyone! sweet dreams!