my day just did not end well.

have you ever had something/someone you liked - even loved - so much that even if it/she/he disappoints you, you still can't let it go?

have you ever had something/someone that/who you know you no longer liked/loved but you just won't let go of? have you ever held on that something/someone because you think/feel that it's/she's/he's the only one you got? that nothing better might come after it/her/him?

have you ever set "deadlines" on something/someone, only to find yourself readjusting that deadline over and over again?

i have. and now i think it's about time i let go. it's about time i set the real deadline. to take a risk, a leap of faith.

my mom used to tell me "there are no coincidences. everything happens for a reason" and i believe her.

so maybe the reason why these things are happening at this point in my life is for me to give up and let go. to set a final deadline.

i just realized that i am a very stubborn girl. over the years, i set and reset deadlines on persons, on things who/that disappoint me and hurt me over and over again.

why? because i want to prove myself wrong. i want to prove myself that i am doing the right thing. because i always hope that those things/people will change. i also wanted to prove others that.
and also because i fear the unknown. i fear the change. i fear that i will fail. i fear getting hurt.

don't get me wrong. i believe and know i am a strong person (even if i cry a lot) but there are just times when i want someone to tell me everything's gonna be alright. that i will never be alone. that even if i will fail, that person still has my back. that i am loved.

i fear. that word again.

i guess i just need to be a little braver.
i guess i need to get myself ready.