my words for 2011: word number 1

i was inspired by the post of one of the blogs i follow. in it she had words that describe her year so far.

i have a lot of choices for my 2011 but let me just tackle my first word: FEAR.

wikipedia says "Fear is a distressing negative sensation induced by a perceived threat. "

i think it has to deal with my being burned in the past. true, there were definitely happy days but the end was heartbreaking that after those times, i silently tucked my heart away, keeping it far from anything or anyone that would break it again.

and i have been very successful at it.

wikipedia adds.."Worth noting is that fear almost always relates to future events, but fear can also be an instant reaction to something presently happening."

so i went along, a happy single bunny. it would be hypocritical for me to say that i don't wanna have my person, my very own someone because i really do, but i was scared that my possible someone might end up just like those wrong ones.

i was scared to open my heart to anyone (cue in ♫ ♪ ♪ ♫"everlasting love"♫ ♪ ♪ ♫ of the company) coz the times i did, it just broke into a million bazillion pieces and picking up the pieces was very difficult/time consuming.

i was successful keeping my heart until this year. my heart is happy that it scares the crap out of me. i fear a lot. i fear that i might not be good enough. that it might not be real...real. that this might just be one-sided. i dunno how to remedy this. i dunno where to start. i don't even know if this is gonna last coz this isn't just up to me but i truly am happy right now and for that, i am just thankful.

another reason why fear is one of my words for 2011 is that i felt restless this year but i still went along with the flow because i was afraid of doing something different, something that might not end up right.

fear. it cripples. i am feeling it for quite some time now and i am really praying i could get rid of this fear i'm feeling. i am praying for answers. solutions. decisions.

while thinking about what to write tonight, i checked my twitter and these two caught my attention:

"Life is too short. Live without rules, love without fear, laugh everyday, and don't ever forget about the ones that mean the most to you."

and Paolo Coehlo tweeted "The light of love flows out of our soul, but often it goes nowhere because it's blocked by fear"

so fear is my first word for 2011. it's not a really good word but it brings so much to it.

there are still a few months before 2011 ends so i am praying and hoping that when i get to write my "year in review" post, this word is something that i was able to overcome.

help me pray, will you?