“…Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer…”

-excerpt from “Letters to a Young Poet” by R. M. Rilke

the EX effect

Exes solicit all kinds of reactions when they see each other.
There's the "ah really, he was here? i didn't see him". And then there's the "please. let's not talk about it." Still, there's also the "did you see who he was with?! did you see what she was wearing?" and let's not forget the "ohmygosh, what was i thinking when i dated him?"

Last night I saw some pics of both my exes (I only had 2 boyfriends) and believe me, I had all sorts of reactions too but I ended up sleeping soundly because I didn't feel bad or sad about my exes anymore.

You see, my breakups were never okay. Unfortunately, my exes did not have the balls to break up with me personally. My initial reaction was to just completely erase everything. You know, like in the movie "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" (if you, my dear reader, have not seen the movie, go look for it. you won't regret watching it!)

Then the years passed, i got over my broken heart and got to thinking...you know...they weren't REALLY The Antichrist. We had some good times, too. And with every relationship, I always find that I learn a little bit more about myself. And no matter how awful the breakup was, there is still at least one positive memory to look back on at any given moment. There is still something to be thankful for - for having gone through that relationship.

SO i guess seeing, hearing about, or even smelling (by virtue of other people sporting the same scent) our ex tightens our chest for a bit. No matter how hard you try, the remnants remain. No matter how long ago, no matter how bad the break-up, no matter how traumatic the relationship, no matter how much we deny it, the memories of an ex can never be fully erased.

I've learned that ......

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that my best friends and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.

I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.


AMEN.

my heart is tired

This caring business is making me so damn tired. I sometimes wish there's an off switch somewhere so that when it gets too much I can just shut off automatically and go on as if nothing had happened - I can just ignore whatever that was.

I really think it’s possible to love my friends too much.