Sunday, July 31, 2011

mai let's watch this!!!! and i want the book!!!!!!!

In 1988, the day after commencement, two college graduates briefly, romantically collide. The girl has pined for the boy for years; the boy is more aware of the girl than he lets on. She’s an earnest, outspoken lefty, he a handsome, apolitical toff who “liked the word ‘bourgeois’ and all that it implied” and “wanted to live life in such a way that if a photograph were taken at random, it would be a cool photograph.” Their chemistry is as inarguable as their differences, but because of the pride, carelessness and misplaced optimism of youth, they let time and distraction separate them. Yet they never lose track of each other. “One Day” checks in on their intersecting lives once a year, every July 15, from 1988 through 2007.

Friday, July 29, 2011

let me be selfish for a while

last year, i posted my christmas list and i actually got what i wanted (most of them anyway. world peace is still hard to come by). that my day is near, i wish for:

a new phone - can i get a bb or n8 or another iphone? (still can't get over my phone getting stolen)

a new pair of eyeglasses. i lost my pair and my backup is about to get busted already so this is more of a need but i want pretty frames.

booooooooooooooooks!!!!. i want box sets and a whole lot more. and can i also have more time so i could finish reading them (and my backlog?)

new jacket. this one is pretty!
a new pair of fitflops. i love them!!! but i want a pair or two more. i want a pair of Luna or Rebel, or Pietra or Frou. even the supertone looks good. or cge, since this is wishful thinking, i want a pair of Rock Chick! hahaha

a charm watch. i dunno but every time i see one, i wanna get one for myself (but my dad will prolly "tsk tsk"). i want this particular one gid ya coz it reminds me of happy days

spa membership renewal. this is the only luho i got.

more trips!!!! and more time for myself. the past months have been so difficult for me. i sooooo need more vacations!

i wanna be with my friends!!! i know chances are slim to none, but i want us to be together. a vacation would be great (but in zsazsa's words: "asa ka pa")
i wanna see my different groups of friends. i miss having them around!

i wanna get that CT scan already (or an MRI), i'm just scared.

of course i will always alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays ask for world peace

lastly, i want my prayers answered. still not complaining though.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

i know you think you understand what you thought i said, but i'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what i meant

I am kind, but I am not a doormat.
Yes, there is a difference.

Monday, July 25, 2011

#9 from Patty Lagera on Vimeo.

an interesting read

a friend forwarded an email with this article, saying she sees herself in the situation. oh girls! when will we ever learn?

"the meantime girl"

She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She's too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable - she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool... why can't all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't be cause to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. We've experienced being a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than we care to admit. We don't know the reason, really, and at this point - We don't even care. We just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won't be around. And there will be no next time.


some men just do not deserve some women coz they are stuck on a certain female blueprint.

All I have to say is: Do not give your heart to a man who regards you only as Second Best. So do not feel bad that a man may not "see" you in a romantic way. It is his loss, and your deliverance from harm's way. it is hard to be with a man who still needs to be convinced that what is best for him is in you.

You can never be what she is to him. You're not the dream girl.

the first step of letting go is removing all possible contacts like mobile no, email address and social networking connections. you deserve somebody who will love you and will treat you like a queen. if he likes you enuf, he'll be consistent. otherwise, you're really just a meantime girl.

think of happy thoughts. do things you can't do before when he was with you. enjoy being single. do some make over, visit places and meet new friends. :) and try to stay happy and attract more positive vibes. :)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

today, i celebrated love

tintin is my neighbor's apo. though she doesnt' really live in the subdivision, she was always here and we grew up together. we even went to the same high school and our universities were just a jeepney ride apart (you can even just walk,
she's a smart, strong, sometimes stubborn woman and yet she has a very giving heart. i've seen her play hard ball and yet i've also seen her cry at the snap of a finger.
she's the baby of our barkada and yes, she gets to be treated as such, too.
today, she married mike and it was a joyous occasion. though i wasn't able to stay long in their event, i can surely feel the love and the happiness that everyone was feeling for them.
mike is a lucky guy, yet tintin's always saying she's the luckier one. i say they're lucky to have each other. they started out as friends then became best friends and later on became a couple...and now they're mr and mrs. God has blessed them with each other. I have nothing but love and happiness for their union.

who would have thought that rizza and i would be super duper uber close friends? she's frank, i sugarcoat most of my thoughts. she sees the glass half empty, i see it nearly full. for her, "there's always a catch", i say "everyone has something good in them". she agrees when i say she's a bitch, she also agrees that i "fart sunshine and rainbows and happy thoughts".
and yet she's one of my closest bestest friends. we met in high school and we grew up nurturing our friendship even though we were apart. she saw me through my happiest and shitmost-est days. she may not be in touch all the time (coz she hates texting) but she's always alwaaays there when i need her most.
dandan's the perfect guy for her. i couldn't ask for any one else for rizza. there was not a single dry eye while rizza was walking down the aisle toward her man.

two joyous occasions today (and one that i was not able to attend). i did not lose my friends but i gained two more.

the barkadas are getting bigger.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


planned to stay at home to check papers but i was convinced to have lunch at

(she's camera-shy)

after which i dropped by

later in the afternoon, i had

with some more camera-shy people.

and before i went home, i passed by Jaro Cathedral to

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Dear God,
i am tired. i am so hurt. but i will never complain. i never imagined you'd send all these to me. i guess you trust me that much, huh?
our deal's still on.
what i can tell you is that i am learning a lot these days. i have been learning since march or april this year and i've learned more than i had in years.
i am growing up.
and so i ask you again to help me with the decisions that must be made. you know everything in my heart and in my mind. lead me to what's best for me.

still not complaining,
your much confused daughter

Monday, July 18, 2011

losing my happy thoughts

i need prayers. i have a few happy thoughts left.

Sunday, July 17, 2011 step's...uhmmmm....

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

i know i promised not to complain so i will just say this: i am so tired already. with everything. and everyone. and i have myself partly to blame (a doormat comes to mind). so no complains. offering everything i'm going through for something that's bigger than how i feel/how things are going.

things will get better. things will get better. things will get better. things will get better.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The Midyear Report

i promised myself i will not complain about the bad stuff so here are the highlights of my half year.

I finished my masters! Oh wow, that was in March. I always thought I’d be an Octoberian but in a span of two weeks, I took two back and forth trips to manila (and even stayed at a not-so-safe dorm), was able to finish editing in a few days, received my schedule for defense, bargained on that schedule, and had my defense on the last day of scheduled defenses. I was the last in our program to defend and I am glad that we were all (the lucky 7 as dad calls us) able to defend our theses successfully. March 18 gave me the longest 40 minutes of my life. My stomach was in knots (coz I forgot to have lunch and my defense ended at 4pm!) waiting for my verdict. I felt so alone coz I was the only one without any companion. I thought the dean would not let me pass coz she had a lot of comments about my paper. BUT I did! When I heard her say “congratulations”, it felt as if a very heavy load was taken off my back. I soooooo wanted to cry because I was all alone. It was just me. I was soooo happy and yet it didn’t feel right. I had no one to share it with. But then I rationalized the shit off, so I was able to hold back my tears til I got back to the pad. First thing I did after calling my dad and crying my eyes out was to sleep and celebrated with my favorite couple, toots and eeva.

My brother and I graduated! I finished my MS, my brother finished his BS. I am so proud of him and because of that….

We watched The Script in concert! My graduation was in manila so we took it as an opportunity to bond. I took him around, we bonded with cousins and friends and of course, watched the concert. I was jumping the entire time! We had good seats, and even good company. We didn’t know our company but it was nice to be in a room with people who appreciate the same music we do. The concert was quite short (coz nothing will ever compare to the Ehead’s Final set concert) but it was well worth it I had concert LSS til the next week!

Joffie’s wedding and Maymay’s coming home. The wedding took place the day after my defense. I was the ngarag na ngarag maid of honor. Maymay was finally home after about 5 yrs in Dubai so the wedding was extra special coz us cousins were able to get together.

Conferences/Seminars. We had the clinical pharm seminar in May. I attended with bambi. It was fun! As usual, Prof. Sayed did not fail to entertain and make us learn stuff. Then there were the PACOP and the DOTS thingy with madam. That prolly was the most interesting PACOP I’ve been to. Of course, ACCP. Attended the conference with daddy doc and bambi. Even though it rained hard and we even waded through baha, I still had fun. Learned a lot and even met very nice new friends. Bambi also presented her paper and I was one happy, proud colleague.

Pre-nups! Been to two- zsazsa’s and tintin’s. I had to go home for zsazsa’s and although it was just a one day thing, it was so much fun! I even made new friends. Tintin’s on the other hand was in Boracay. Another round of fun, not only with her and mikol, but with the photog team as well. It felt as if I was with my barkada, and not with people tintin hired to make her and mikol look good in photos. Hahaha. It made me realize prenups are fun but only if I’m not the subject of the photos. Hahaha. I always believe that prenup photos should be those photos of the couple while they went along their normal lives before the wedding, no fancy production number. But hey, I might change my mind when my turn comes. Hahahahah liwat.

Summer internship. I was able to visit and spend time with my students. Learned a lot and enjoyed going to different places.

Claire and Grace. First time they went home together. It was always a lagare thing for me but I am still so thankful they were back even for such a short time.It took all my energy away, having work atil 7 and then dinner+whatevers til the wee hours of the morning, but i'm not complaining. this is a homecoming that we've been waiting for for years.

The other Tata. Was that eight or ten years that passed by without us really talking about our lives or seeing each other? It was an unexpected thing. All the while, I thought it would just be one dinner and coffee session like in the past 3 times I was in manila. But hey, spontaneity is good man gle no? I learned a lot. I enjoyed our “dates”. And syempre, Nagsasa. Part 1 was fun yet part 2 had me feeling all sorts of stuff (ohmygosh, embarrassed, happy, sad, hungry, confused, worried, linte tanan na lang! hahaha). I could talk about it and not stop so imma leave it at that. Fun-yet-maypagkasortofulugtasanlanggidya times. Memories that could last me from aug 8 til forever(?) =)

I look forward to the next six months. i have been feeling under the weather lately. I've been so stressed about work, people, life. But i will not stop hoping for better things to come. I believe better things will come. I pray for that. I know things will get better.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

started the day with this

we served 200+ patients! very productive but tiring, too. then, a wedding (just the wedding...wasn't able to attend the reception.) , and the usual stuff with dad.
i learned something today: have at least an hour's worth of time between a medical mission and a wedding, lest you want a bruised leg and panic attacks (ohmigosh, i'm late! oh snap, my hair's a mess! oh gosh, i dunno exactly what i'm gonna do as commentator! where're my shoes? tanan na lang!). and don't change in the car.
When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. :)
= = = = = = = = =

Sometimes you have to let go of people who are important for you for a higher purpose. A purpose which is more important for you than just those people. Goodbye isn't that bad. It will be a start for a better beginning. A beginning without those people whom you think was gonna be a part of it but actually just an instrument for it. Thank you! and Goodbye!

Friday, July 8, 2011

started a half-year recap to make me feel a bit better but i can't get past my first paragraph. tomorrow: work til 1pm, soccer tryouts and practice at 130, meeting zsa + fitting at 3, apothecarian thingy by dinnertime. sunday will be spent for a medical mission, panpan's (surprise) wedding and hopefully some time with le famille.

ok, stress. bring it on.

(salamat, stress)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

usually, i like it when i'm right but there are days when i hate being right. i can recall a few weeks (or was that a month) ago when i had a sobfest coz i figured i was right all along. that i should have said what i wanted to say and not wait til a few months after.

and then we have today. i was right again. i feel so irresponsible. it's just so frustrating. i cannot make this mistake.

i hate it. can i be right at the things i wanna be right at? and not this thing today?


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

i learned something new today: flashpacking

Just because you have a backpack, this doesn't make you a backpacker. By definition, backpacking is more than just stuffing everything into one North Face pack. It's a travel philosophy, it's a lifestyle. It's sleeping in a random train station, hitching a ride with a stranger, and planning to have no plans.

I chanced by this word in one of the online communities i browse. This got me interested. According to wikipedia, "A flashpacker shares some of the characteristics of a backpacker: a sense of independence, no fixed itinerary and relatively long periods of travel to more exotic and far-flung destinations. Whereas backpacking is traditionally associated with budget travel and destinations that are relatively cheap, flashpacking has an association of more disposable income while traveling and has been defined simply as backpacking with a bigger budget."

An interesting read about flashpacking can be found here.

Here's to more adventures :) CHEERS!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I sometimes feel frightened when loneliness pays me a visit.

I wouldn’t think of myself as somebody who is overly pensive or constantly melancholic. I am quite the happy bunny, actually. But there are just days—random, unexpected days—that life catches me off guard and makes me vulnerable to a shitload of negative vibes. These days obviously suck, because I end up in a messy heap of blah.

Been having those days lately. And am getting tired of forcing myself to be strong. seriously thinking of plans B, C and D.

(i need a break. another trip would be fine. or two days stay at a hotel with some spa-mpering, please! kthanksbye)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

sick girl. wanted to work but i can't get myself to do it. watching tv now and as i was channel surfing, i chanced by nick tv. saw spongebob, decided to watch a little and heard him say this:

"No one can change a person, but someone can be a person's reason to change" - Sponge Bob
(pati na ko nga agi si spongebob..hahahaha)

awwwww....spongebob tugs at my heartstrings

will post more kumods soon. brain too mushed up to work.