Tuesday, June 26, 2012

.......what more if you give that someone your entire heart?

Sunday, June 24, 2012

time has taught me to listen to my gut.

why do i feel that something is being kept from me? that i need to know something but it's not being told to me?

it has been nagging me since wednesday. i tried and still try to block it off but it's growing by the minute.

what could be wrong? could it be what i dreamt a few nights ago?

time to be selfish

i have come to the conclusion that every time i list down the stuff i want, i get some - if not most- of them (world peace is really really reeeeeeaaalllly hard to come by).

so, since my birthday is near, i figured i might as well post the stuff i want.

let's start with the material shiz

more trips. specifically, trips- i don't care where as long as i am with the people i love most. 

Item image or an    Item image 
for my ebooks, games, files and for connecting online

spa membership renewal

a yoga kit! i only have a mat. i want a set (para career na gd! LOL) and some yoga wear too!

clothes, shoes, bags...hey, i'm a girl!!!

and for things that can't be bought,
 i would really like more patience, strength and courage (and good health) to face each day that comes. i know i am in for more challenges these coming months. 

i want progress with thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat thing. 

i want safety and good health for my loved ones.

i will always want world peace

i want to be like them when i get older (old married couples like these two are just so heartwarming!).

lastly, i want my prayers answered.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

sometimes i surprise myself

earlier this afternoon. a meeting was called and some heavy discussions took place.

colleague: "you are absolutely one of the sweetest, most caring and thoughtful girls i've ever known but girl, i never imagined you can be such a total bitch too. now i'm scared of you."

this made my day.LOL.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Love is not finding the right person, but creating the right relationship...
It is not how much love you have from the start, but how much love you build till' the end.

this is my happy thought for today.
yeah.........mushy, hopeless romantic me.

i am just so tired.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

my thoughts exactly

Otherwise it’s just a washing of hands. Convenient. Clean. Easy. Meanwhile the forgiver tends to the mess, mops up the debris, should be careful not to step on landmines and be blown to smithereens. And the landmines, they are everywhere.

Otherwise it’s just a washing of hands. Convenient. Clean. Easy. Meanwhile the forgiver tends to the mess, mops up the debris, should be careful not to step on landmines and be blown to smithereens. And the landmines, they are everywhere.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

wonderful wednesday

i really want to be back to my happy bunny self (despite the shitload of work and feelings and stress and everything else). therefore, i will start by sharing things that i am thankful for this day

i am thankful that three immediate concerns were settled today.
i am thankful for compromises. we may not have settled two other issues the way we wanted to but we were at least able to come up with solutions that we all agreed on.
though i had another load to add to my already full sched, i am thankful this extra load is something that is not entirely new to me.
i am thankful for friends who listened to me bitch about stuff (and then helped me with a huge plate of sushi and dumplings)
i got some not-so-good news about my health but i am thankful that it's something my doctor can help make better (fingers crossed!)
i am thankful gas prices went down.
i am thankful i was able to go home while the sun was still up (the first since school opened!)
i am thankful for people who tell me they believe in me despite my telling them that i don't think i can do this.
lastly, i am thankful for today being a wednesday coz that makes it a week til i get to be with the person who knows (and loves - i hope) me the most.

let this be the start of better, happier days.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

today was a looooooong tuesday

was in school at 615 in the morning to try to fix some problems. there are still a lot to fix and i am so tired i wanna go away and hide.

and then there's this nagging thing that makes me question a lot of stuff in my life.


I realized there is so much more to live for than the disappointments and hurts of the past. So what if it sucked. So what if it sucked royally. So what if it sucked and all I want to do is scream about how it sucked royally til I am blue in the face and everyone and everyone’s neighbor’s grandma knew it.

So what.

Bitterness is a choice. So is gratitude. And I think the latter’s a much lighter load to carry. Who wants the dead weight of unforgiveness around anyway?

Monday, June 18, 2012


i haven't noticed time fly today. it was like i just got to school and then the sun was setting, i was alone in the office and i need to go home already.
i am so tired. i miss my bfffffffff so much.
goodnight world.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

my tatay

"There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself."

Today's fathers day and as soon as i woke up (late...very late..haahaha), i immediately rushed to my dad and greeted him. he just smirked while i laughed out load. you see, he never believed in celebrating Father's Day. For him, it is just a way for businesses to get more from people; it is commercialism at its finest. why set just one day for fathers when you can show your dad you love him every single day? (hmmmm....this sounds totally like this other guy i love....). so then we just did what we usually do on sundays. 

 Last year, i shared things my dad taught me and this year, i would like to share things my dad have always been doing for me, despite my flaws and stubborness. The past year had me and my dad have a lot of serious talks (and i know some of my decisions have hurt him) and we have agreed to disagree on a very very very(-est) important issue for now. i am sure - and i told him this too - that this issue will be resolved as soon as possible and i know when that time comes, he'd be happiest for me.

Anyhoooo, looking back at the past year, this is what I saw my dad do (and have always been doing) for me and my brother.

PRAY. My dad is not as religious as my mom. I remember the times when it was just my mom and us siblings going to church on sundays or praying the rosary at night. But since my dad found his faith again, I never saw a day without him praying in his room. I remember him giving this advice to a cousin who had some problems with her kids. He said something like " Pray for them – for their safety, their future and their happiness. Even when your faith runs low, save a little for them. Pray – not out of religious obligation – but because it’s a beautiful thing to place what you love the most in the hands of Something Greater."

LOVE. One of the things my mom said that really made an impression on me was "love is the only force that changes people for good. when you love someone, love their potential and love their ugliness. make them believe that in a universe of bad things, there is a person who would never fail to see their good.".  And my dad has certainly done this. My dad loves me without exception and condition. He loves me even when I suck. Even when I hurt him. Even when I make bad decisions and suffer ugly ugly consequences. Even when no matter how much he tells me to fix my goddarn room, i still don't (i have my reasons...hahahaha). He always reminds me that there is always something good in everyone and no matter how little that goodness may be, love can make it grow. He loves me and he always believes in me.

I know the way I love now is because of my mom and my dad. They showed me that having a big, loving heart is not a disadvantage. 

STILL, who loves her Dad
With all her heart
And always,

Happy father's day tatay! I love you!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

today i learned that no matter how good your intentions are, people will never see that goodness if it doesn't give them what they want.  and they will you skin you alive if they can, but since they can't, they will just resort to saying awful awful things about you.
it's just too hurtful.

this caring thing....i don't think my heart can take it anymore.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


I learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings, even if I respect theirs. Being a good person doesn’t guarantee that others will be good people, too. You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be as a person. As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away.

it has been a very very long day. i am tired. this day has been full of discussions and decisions and some shoutings here and there.  a physically-tiring day is ok with me, but this is different. it was emotionally and mentally draining. it used up every ounce of my energy. i have a lot of stories to tell but i only want to tell those stories to this one person. this person's not around...i miss so much but i don't think that this someone misses me too. or wants to listen to my stories. 
i need a hug. or a reminder that i am loved.

two more days til the work week ends. 

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

"I always thought that if two people were supposed to be together, they'd find a way. " - Mary Margaret

“True love isn’t easy but it must be fought for because once you find it… It can never be replaced”
- Prince Charming

 True love isn't easy but it must be fought for because once you find it, it can never be replaced.
-Prince Charming

"I have faith. You'll save me as I did you." - Prince Charming

“Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing.”
-Mary Margaret

“Everyone wants a magical solution to their problems, but everyone refuses to believe in magic”
- Jefferson/Mad Hatter”

 been sick these past days and i'm sensing something isn't right, something's being kept from me. my brother made me watch this series and i end up mostly crying. yeah, silly hopeless romantic me.

i want my prince charming to make things right soon and come get me asap.
happily ever after.....i still believe in that.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Saturday, June 9, 2012

it's amazing how one moment you're so happy you just wanna jump up and down and then the next you can't breathe with sadness and frustration and disappointment.
i have a lot of things to say, a lot of stories to tell but the person i want to talk to most is not around. busy.

maybe i really am the girl who can't get what she wants. maybe.............


Thursday, June 7, 2012


thank you!

look! mimay can walk now! at last! hahahaha

imma miss her :(

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

wow. stress.

"there are days that things just don't go your way.
you try and try and still you feel as if you're running into a wall...
well maybe you just need to look at it differently.
The mighty might not be so mighty after all."
-- fb post of a good friend

these past three days have been so difficult.
things are not going my way right now but i know i made the right decision.
so i will hold on and keep going.
i have my loved ones' support and prayers.
that's all i need for now.

i can do this.
things will get better.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

from my journal a long time ago

I think at some point we realize that baggage is baggage. And it’s called so for a reason. I think we can decide to stop lugging it around..to just drop it, literally, and carry on without them.
At some point, we must stop making things so darn complicated. At some point, we realize it almost never is anyway and the only complication was us.
We stop playing the victim card. We stop making it everyone else’s fault. We look at ourselves square in the mirror and realize past is past and tomorrow is a promise and today.. well, today we can make it whatever we can make it to be. Another soupy soup of self-pity, regret, blame and condemnation.. or anything but.
We make the choices that we make. The terrible thing is we almost can never be brave enough to face the aftermath.
And at some point we realize we can’t do any of this alone. That it is only by God’s grace can we be saved and sustained.
This thing called free will is beautifully frustrating. But what it means is you have a choice..and every minute, every day you have on this earth is an opportunity to make better choices.


i've been re-reading my journals lately, dunno why, but i feel that something isn't right. 
i fear that something is being kept from me. 

Monday, June 4, 2012

may 31st

we visited mom early in the morning
it has been 14 years since she died but i can still recall everything like it was yesterday.

i miss my mom. 

Friday, June 1, 2012

today i made a decision

after lots of thinking and praying, i was able to come up with something that i know is the best one for me.
whatever happens on the fourth, i know i chose what my heart and my mind agree with.

i chose us.