Friday, March 16, 2012
Fr Zerrudo's lecture
fides spes amores
"Faith is confidence or trust in a person or entity. It is believing in someone's words/promises.
Hope is inherently human. Hope is the internal power of faith. If you have faith in someone, you hope that the person will do what he says he will.
You can't hope and have faith in someone if you don't love that someone."
i love and i have faith in the person i love. and yes, i hope in what this person says he will do. in turn, i am also trying to be that person who he can hope and have faith in.
"in the end, there are three things that are important: faith, hope, and love" - Saint Paul
I always believe that nothing happens by sheer chance. Everything happens for a reason. There are no coincidences.
I've been having an unpleasant week so far and it has been taking its toll on me. Today was particularly difficult because of disappointments, hurt, and feelings of hopelessness and fear.So earlier tonight, when some friends asked me to hang out, I gave in despite being so tired from all the has been happening around me (and me just wanting to go home and curl up in bed).
It was the best decision I made today.
I am thankful for friends. My friends. Friends that are honest and will call you out when you’ve done something wrong. Friends who cheer you on when you've done something right. Friends that will stand by you even when you don’t think you’re worth it. Friends that will help you up when you’ve fallen down for the nth time. Friends that love you no matter what.
I know today had to happen. Today, I was reminded that I am not alone. That despite the busy-ness of my life and of my friends' lives, we still have each others' backs. And on days like today, that’s more than enough.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
I was talking with a friend the other day about her recent breakup. She’s a beautiful girl, someone you wouldn't think would have boy problems. But she’s had them plenty. It seems beauty doesn’t really save you from broken hearts after all, despite what the world tells you. She was talking about what she’d done to contribute to this particular relationship failing. She was candid about her own faults but she also didn’t mince words about what her ex had done (or didn't do.) In the end, it is still those broken promises he so famously and loudly made to everyone who cared to listen that haunt her and keep her from fully moving forward.
At the end, it’s really that, though, yes? When promises you held on to suddenly are made to be meaningless and void. It’s the betrayal of trust that cuts deep and clings hard. More than the angry words, the disappearance, the emotional turmoil. It’s the memory of words and the meaning those words carried, the weight they ended up having because they were said with love or what looked like it.
We forget too often that our words carry weight. Especially when they’re stated as vows and promises. There used to be a time when these were as good as a contract. But now we live in a world where promises broken have become not just normal but expected.
I've been burned badly before and it took me quite some time to get over the hurts and I still feel scared most of the days but I still believe in them. And I know people like me who want to believe in them nonetheless still abound.
I know enough to be praying for this even now. I have a list of non-negotiables that I pray to God for.. qualities I find important, character traits I can’t do without in my future husband. One of them is that he be a man of his word, a man of integrity. That when he says something, he means it...and works on it as soon as possible. And, in turn, I pray I become that woman, too. A woman whose word anyone can hinge their hope on. A woman who makes promises she keeps. At the very least, people should have that—honesty, integrity, strength, conviction, faith, perseverance. Maybe then, this joyfully ever after won’t be so hard to have.
In the meantime, this beautiful friend of mine tries to make do with her lot in life. But she also has a hope that what God has taken away, God will replace with better. Because when He does, He always does. Now that’s a promise that will never be broken.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Today, I made a decision. It was a decision that took weeks to make not just by myself but my colleagues too, and the decision was made with the best intentions. The only problem was that people thought the decision was entirely mine. And there was chaos.
I forgot for a split-second that boundaries are good. Today I was reminded about setting boundaries because people can really say and do awful things when they don't get what they want, when things don't go their way.
Flags are raised, the fortress secure.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I just want a small house filled with laughter and happiness and love
and a lovely tree in the front yard
or maybe a house by the beach
and a big hammock near the beachfront
and someone who wants to sit/lie beside me
because there is no other place they’d rather be.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
That sounds like really bad grammar right there.
But missing people is excruciating and difficult and painful and I hate the feeling of needing someone who is a billion miles away from you. It feels really bad/sad and painful when you want to tell just this one person your news and you can't reach that person. It sucks not being with people you wanna share your life with. Because all the bbms, yms, text messages, e-mails and Skype sessions in the world will never measure up to standing in front of someone you enjoy being with. Or kissing. Or hugging.
Yes, nothing sounds more torturous than not being able to hug someone that you miss.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
I am totally myself and not at all me at the same time. These are treacherous waters. I’ve never second-guessed myself so much in my recent life… or wondered why I’m still so seemingly calm under the surface. If anyone could see into my thoughts, they’d realize how terribly conflicted I feel...about many, many things.
A hug would be really great right about now.
Monday, March 5, 2012
i have been feeling worried and restless lately so i told myself i will try to get myself busy for me to be distracted from getting worried and restless.
i was about to go home when i received a message from a good friend. our couple friend has a feng shui/numerology consultation late this afternoon and they wanted us to accompany them.
it was something new for me and being the curious girl that i am, i dragged myself along. it was quite interesting listening to Mr. M giving them tips on how to go about their wedding. and because Mr M enjoyed having us around, he gave us our numerology readings too (for free!).
he also read our palms (which made me worry about some of the stuff he said) and it was an experience as well.
i dunno how it works but i heard a lot of things that are spot on about me. i got some "warnings" too and some tips on how to counter the bad stuff.
so i learned something new today. and i got to spend some time with friends.
again, despite the difficulties these days, there will always be something to be thankful for.
thank you universe.
thank you God.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
attended early morning yoga after first Saturday mass and had a big breakfast overlooking the city with my buddy Lou.
went to school, finished laboratory activities and early in the afternoon met up with the cousins and kids for our monthly "session" (no pics. we were too busy talking and laughing).
and then, my niece mikee, who just got back after finishing high school in the states, and i had our long overdue date.
she loves her food really really spicy!
Korean food =yum!
<-- i just had to take a pic. teehee!
coffee and desserts were sweeter coz she paid for them (first time nanglibre! hahaha)
sometimes i forget that my nieces are already grown ups - going through things on their own, making their own decisions, having their own lives. it's amazing how much has changed since she left for the states. hearing about her experiences, happy and sad (we even had similar experiences) made me realize a lot of things about our family, about her and her sisters, even about myself.
i am thankful for my family.
i am thankful for today.
Friday, March 2, 2012
....because despite a lot of things going terribly wrong and making me absolutely scared and worried these days, there’s still lots to smile about.
and to quote my priest friend: "Things will fall in their right places at the right time. But the right time will not come if we don't give our best efforts to push things to get to their right places. You know things are meant to be when you are sure and you can't wait to give your all to push towards the rightness of things"
praying for the things to get pushed nearer and nearer to their right places.
praying doubly hard for the right time to come really soon.
Thank you, God, for being awesome.