my 2015

The later part of 2014 had been hard (if not -est) for me. 2015 came in and the first quarter was a continuation of my difficult days. I stewed in the difficult-ness of it all. I was weak. I was miserable. It took a lot of time to pick myself up and piece myself back together. But I did. I still have low points at time but those days were a big learning experience for me.

I want to write a longer post about it so for now I would just like to share my happy days in 2015. Much as the year started out miserably for me, the year turned out alright. 

I am thankful for people who bring me light, who bring me joy. They are my heroes.

I am not the best person to give love advice but i think that in my not so many relationships (count:3), i have gathered enough experience - happy, heartbreaking, and everything in between -  to have a say in relationships.

Anyhoo, I chanced upon a book in my favorite store and this was what I saw:

12 Signs of Unavailable People from “The Ecstasy of Surrender.”

1. They are married or in a relationship with someone else.
2. They can’t commit to you or have feared commitment in past relationships.
3. They have one foot on the gas pedal, one foot on the brake.
4. They are emotionally distant, shut down, or can’t deal with conflict.
5. They’re mainly interested in sex, not relating emotionally or spiritually.
6. They are practicing alcoholics, sex addicts, or substance abusers.
7. They prefer long distance relationships, emails, texting, or don’t introduce you to their friends and family.
8. They are elusive, sneaky, frequently working or tired, and may disappear for periods.
9. They are seductive with you but make empty promises—their behavior and words don’t match.
10. They send mixed messages, flirt with others, or don’t give a straight answer—you’re always trying to “de-code” what they really mean.
11. They’re narcissistic, only consider themselves, not your needs.
12. They throw you emotional crumbs or enticing hints of their potential to be loving, then withdraw.


Whoa. A lot of the past came back to me and thinking back now, I see  where I made my mistakes. I think that no matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want - or think we need - someone, some stories just don't have a happy ending.

hiatus

I have stopped writing since august 2014. It’s not that I had nothing to write. It’s that I had nothing good to write. I felt as if my world was being torn apart. Things that happened along the way made me question my values, my principles, and the people around me.
I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. But I have a set of principles that I stand by and things happening in my life made me question these principles; made me look into who I really am, what I really want, what I am willing to sacrifice.
I got lost. Am still lost-ish.
I have never felt so small – so uncapable – in my life. Everything I do, it’s just not enough. It’s always not enough. I was told that I do not do my job well, that I always leave problems behind, that I am not a good worker.
I was asked to agree to dealings that are against my principles, and when I said no, I was told that I am not doing a good job.
I was told I was not enough.
I was made to feel I will never be enough.

It was  a miserable time for me.

But now, I am picking up the pieces together. This will take a lot of time, I know, but I will write again.

i never liked lies. and now you're asking me again to continue the lying for you. for what, my career? my position?

no.

not anymore.

i can step down anytime and leave everything behind.

i am here because of the people i work with who i love and cherish. who are my friends.

but if push comes to shove......i now am sure of what i will do.

To my dear Muslim friends

 and thank you for this holiday. it has been such as long time since i just chill-ed at home, and spent 13 hours sleeping!

my mid year report

Yesterday, while driving to a friend's house, i suddenly realized "OMG! It's July!". i know, silly me. But it did seemed as if time just flew by!

While driving home, i thought about what happened in the past months and decided on writing something about it. Hence, my midyear report:

January had my friends go back to their homes abroad. It was quite busy at work.


February was a busy month. It was a month of celebrations. We celebrated our secretary's 30th year in service and we also had the first birthday celebration of my godson, raz.

The student publication of our College also won as best publication in the University for the second year. It is indeed another celebration of blessings in the form of my students.

The highlight of my February, though, is another celebration: Valentines day. I watched Wicked for the first time! It was absolutely amazing! And to watch it with someone you love, even more  wonderful!

March had me so busy in school, actually forgot what happened. Lol.


April had me celebrating birthdays and milestones.

However, with all the partying, i also got myself hurt. So I had to stay put during the holy week. 

After which i went to attend our national convention in Davao. Not my first time there, but it was my first time to experience durian shake/ice cream, eden park and some more.

May had me back in school to prepare for the opening of the new academic year. We however were able to get some time to visit and organize a medical outreach in one of the typhoon stricken areas in our region.

June was a month of firsts for me. It was the first month of school. It was the first time i really really reeeeeeaaaaally got pissed at some people. It was the first time I felt so much hurt and pain for having been betrayed.

It was the first time I won't be having two of my friends with me at work. Our gang just got "minus-ed" and honestly, saying goodbye is something I am not good at.

However, I see the world in the bright side...hence, i will focus more on the happier first I experienced: my first mass independence day yoga. at a mall. (thank you sir R for the pics from your friend)

  

I had fun. I learned. I learned mostly about myself. And I am grateful.

Indeed, I am grateful for the past six months. I cried, I got pissed, I got my heart broken. But I am still here. Fighting. Learning. 

Here's to our half-year, friends! May we all have happier Junes - Decembers!

white coat sabado

praying for you

for us