Saturday, December 31, 2016

taking stock

i have been telling myself that i need to take stock of what happened in 2016, seeing that the past days/weeks have been mostly frustrating, if not sad.

i entered 2016 with a lot of hope for the new year. now that it’s about to end, i I find difficulty in looking at the bright side because of the past months’ happenings.
So what happened in 2016?

We graduated. Oh, what a happy thing! I saw my dad beaming and all the trouble, all the money spent, everything was worth it with that happy/proud face of my dad.

I went abroad with my love. It was a first for us and it was all sorts of emotions. Truly, the best way of getting to know someone is to travel with them and live with them.

Brother embarked on his toughest challenge as of yet, and I cannot do anything to help him as he has to go through it on his own.

I celebrated 15 years in my job. The fifteen years flew so fast, I didn’t even realized them passing. I know now that what I am doing is my passion.

I got back to my previous post in the workplace. I didn’t see it coming. I didn’t want it. I was already contented with being a simple teacher, happy to be imparting my knowledge to the other loves of my life: my students. Going back to the post is one of the biggest reason why my year was tumultuous to say the least. I found out that my heroes were villains. I realized that not all those who smiled at me were my friends, nor those who promised to help me would keep their word. For the longest time, I was so sad in my job, i still even feel it now, because it seems as if the pillars holding my post were falling apart. I didn’t know who to look up to anymore. I cannot allow myself to fall apart because I have people counting on me to be strong. It was -IS still - very difficult, and my heart still has not recovered from it. I have a few more months in 2017 to finish what I started and my only hope is to go through this sane, and still hopeful.

Friends came and were gone. I lost some and others, i realized were not my friends after all. It is always painful to lose a friend, but more so when you hold these people close to your heart, and they turn out the opposite after all.

Family came home. We are still struggling with problems in the extended family and i know it will take years to fix them.

I have been writing this post for the past 4 days and re-reading it now made me see that everything was still negative.

So what am i thankful for?

I am thankful for my friends where i work in. They have evolved over the years from people i barely know to students i loved, to become my colleagues, and now to family. I know that without them, work would be a miserable experience this year. They keep me strong, they keep me sane.

I am thankful for the friends I have outside of my work. They, whose lives I live vicariously through. They, who people usually cannot believe I am friends with (I really wonder why).

One day, I will hold a big party and introduce everyone to each other. It will surely be fun! Lol.

I am thankful for my family. My dad, who can be difficult, but who never said “i told you so”. My brother, who is emotionally constipated (that’s according to him) but shows his love in his own ways. My extended family in both sides who are all ridden with their own problems, but who stick together and keep the family intact.

I have a lot of things planned for 2017. I had a lot of things planned for this year but didn’t pan out, so that will add up to the plans for 2017.

I want to be happy. Negativity got into me. I poured my heart and soul to things and persons who were not worth them.  I got lost this year. I want to find myself.

I want a lot. A LOT. I don’t know where to start.

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