“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”
Nearly a million people worldwide commit suicide each year, with anywhere from 10 million to 20 million suicide attempts annually.
Just last week, a friend became part of that statistics.
I got the text massage this evening. I was having a good day, having fun with friends when my phone beeped and boom! My heart stopped.
As soon as I got home, I read articles about suicide and I just can't find the logic behind taking one's own life. Someone said I should be more understanding or rather I should feel familiar with the event having had 3 friends committing suicide in the past years but I can't. Each friend is unique. Each loss, a different pain.
Dear Sarah, I hope you find the peace you wanted. I will always remember you as a person with a good heart. God bless your soul.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I am thankful
* for my wonderful tatay
Thank you for always carrying me when I was a kid :-)
Thank you for the cool conversations at random hours!
Thank you for getting me stuff I don't ask for. It's very sweet D-:
Thank you for understanding me a lot.
Thank you for tidying up my room though you know i'll still mess it up.
Thank you for the hugs!
Thank you for not saying "i told you so"
Thank you for the loooooooooooooooooooooooove
And thank you for understanding that there are a million more thank yous, but I can't remember them right now! :-)
*for my cuddlybear brother
Thank you for our dates - movies, concerts, trips, whatevers. Let's keep our memory bank going. WHen I'll be in my 80s, I will always look back on the eraserheads final set concert, the trips we had and the many many memories.
Thank you for always fixing the pc when it gets "alabuton"
Thank you for being the older sibling whenever i have my issues
Thank you for the books/music/movies you introduce me to.
Thank you for the cool conversations and for "getting" me even just by looking
at me.
Thank you for the love. (i know you love me, huya ka lang. hahaha)
Thank you for the laughter.
*for my amazing friends
Old and new alike, thank you for accepting me - flaws and all.
*for my cousins, titas, titos, family
Thank you for keeping the bond strong. We all have our issues but that doesn't stop the love.
*for my students.
I would not have lasted this long in the academe had it not been for you. I learn a new thing everyday from you. It has always been a two-way street and I will forever be thankful for the chance to be a part of your lives.
I am so blessed.
no other birthday gift can compare to the love you all have shown me.
Thank you for always carrying me when I was a kid :-)
Thank you for the cool conversations at random hours!
Thank you for getting me stuff I don't ask for. It's very sweet D-:
Thank you for understanding me a lot.
Thank you for tidying up my room though you know i'll still mess it up.
Thank you for the hugs!
Thank you for not saying "i told you so"
Thank you for the loooooooooooooooooooooooove
And thank you for understanding that there are a million more thank yous, but I can't remember them right now! :-)
*for my cuddlybear brother
Thank you for our dates - movies, concerts, trips, whatevers. Let's keep our memory bank going. WHen I'll be in my 80s, I will always look back on the eraserheads final set concert, the trips we had and the many many memories.
Thank you for always fixing the pc when it gets "alabuton"
Thank you for being the older sibling whenever i have my issues
Thank you for the books/music/movies you introduce me to.
Thank you for the cool conversations and for "getting" me even just by looking
at me.
Thank you for the love. (i know you love me, huya ka lang. hahaha)
Thank you for the laughter.
*for my amazing friends
Old and new alike, thank you for accepting me - flaws and all.
*for my cousins, titas, titos, family
Thank you for keeping the bond strong. We all have our issues but that doesn't stop the love.
*for my students.
I would not have lasted this long in the academe had it not been for you. I learn a new thing everyday from you. It has always been a two-way street and I will forever be thankful for the chance to be a part of your lives.
I am so blessed.
no other birthday gift can compare to the love you all have shown me.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
my childhood
To all the actors, writers, and directors of the following shows...THANK you so much for shaping my childhood! Thanks to you, I wore my Giordano Classics T-shirt,Guess jeans with triangle butt logo, Swatch watch, High-cut rubber shoes, Lace frilled socks, Doc Martens, empire cut dresses and floral headband with much dignity and pride!
Small Wonder
Doogie Howser, MD (before NPH was barney)
Labyrinth
The Nanny
The Crystal Maze
Flight of the Navigator
Boy Meets World
The Wonder Years
Mighty Ducks
Home Alone
Beetlejuice
The Neverending Story
TGIS
Tabing Ilog
I'm sure I missed a whole darn lot but that's what I can remember so far.
Do add more to my list!!!!!!
Small Wonder
Doogie Howser, MD (before NPH was barney)
Labyrinth
The Nanny
The Crystal Maze
Flight of the Navigator
Boy Meets World
The Wonder Years
Mighty Ducks
Home Alone
Beetlejuice
The Neverending Story
TGIS
Tabing Ilog
I'm sure I missed a whole darn lot but that's what I can remember so far.
Do add more to my list!!!!!!
Oh my High School life!
My cousin lives in the same subdivision where my family lives. Last night, her kids came over and we watched high school musical on dvd. It brought back so much memories. My high school was not like east side high (where can you find a school where everyone is pretty/handsome and knows how to sing and dance and are all quite good at that?!) but it was my school. Good things and bad things were experienced there. Lifelong friends were made. Lessons were learned.
So what do I miss about high school?
My barkada. There are 10 of us in our high school barkada. We were all girls but later on, we made room for two guys. I think we were the least one-dimensional group. We had different personalities. We had the super maldita girl while I was the super tolerant one. We had the math whiz and the english/literature lover. We had the uber fashionista who can make even katsa glamorous (isdatchugayle?) and the ever present "manang" (we miss you mariles). In our electives, we had our different areas - I was in business class with some friends, there were two in home economics, some in agriculture, and the rest in industrial arts class. Membership to different clubs were varied too. I joined music, some joined arts, others joined the dance club and some were just too happy to be "non-artists" (sila na lang daw papalakpak when we perform.LOL). What we had in common though was the science club and the student council (in third year and fourth year). Yes, we were geeks. And proud of it.
Kainan na! jollibee, mcdo, aristocrat, Lola Maria's, suking tindahan na ginagawang tambayan minsan, 15minute breaktimes na tatakbo sa pinakamalapit na mall at mag grocery ng 'sangkaterbang junkfoods. the word diet was never in our vocabulary!
Kulitan pag class. Syempre di mawawala ang kulitan. We used to tally our teachers' mannerisms, we copied each others' homeworks and sometimes quizzes, my friends have my notebook photocopied kasi tamad silang mag copy, and yes, sometimes we cut classes.
Exams. Our exams days were different. We get mixed with the upper and lower years to minimize cheating. So if I were a sophomore about to take an exam in a room, the person to my right is a freshman, the person to my left is a junior, the person in front is a senior, the person at the back is someone from the other section. It was actually not a good idea coz our ate's and kuya's usually give us the answers and we did the same when we were the ate's and kuya's na.
Intramurals. I was bigger then but i played sports - basketball, badminton, soccer, softball. I had no choice coz there were only a few of us in our batch so when a player is needed, kahit lalampa-lampa lang, go!
Contests. Yung mga practice til the late hours of the night (at naghihintay na ang mga sundo namin), yung mga bloopers on stage, yung mga times when we won and celebrated and times we didn't (and concluded na dinaya kami) and cried our eyes out.
Our Teachers. Just like us, students, our teachers had different personalities. We had the strict one, we had the easy-going one. We had the not-so-handsome straight guy, we had the super gwapo gay guy. We had the plump one, we had the stick thin-like one. Our favorite pastime when we're bored is to tally our teachers mannerisms and compare the numbers after class. I had my favorite teachers - Sir T, Ma'am H, Ma'am N and Ma'am L. Sir T was our science teacher as well as our science club adviser. He handled our chemistry - general, organic and biochemistry classes (our school was a special/advanced subjects type...nerd nga eh). He's the reason why I love chem and why I am in my chem-related field today. Ma'am H was our biology teacher. She was one of the prettiest teachers in school. Ma'am N was our music teacher and our choir conductor. She made me love music even more and she introduced me to the different genres. She's very supportive of our musical endeavors and she pushed us beyond what we thought were our limitations. Lastly, there was Ma'am L. She's our classmate's mom. She handled journalism and was sort of our guidance councilor. She was our mom away from home.
Acquaintance and Christmas Parties. We had our parties in school after which our barkada will continue partying at one of our friends' house (usually kina maj). We were not into going out to party. We were happy just staying home at a friend's house watching movies and doing chika til the next day. Christmas parties were fun. We had our kris kringle but usually we ended up giving each kabarkada a gift or even just a simple token.
Watching movies at the mall. During my high school, we were into The Mighty Ducks craze. I remember that my crush was Fulton Reed and later on I had Joshua Jackson as my object of affection. Other movies worth mentioning were With Honors, Reality Bites, Pet Semetary, The Cutting Edge, at mag-iisip pa ako ng iba.
Prom. I never had a boyfriend in high school and my "date" was my good friend but I always enjoyed prom. It was a reason to get all dolled up. Plus, it was another excuse to have a sleepover at a hotel room or a friend's house.
Writing letters to my friends. kahit katabi/nasa likod/nasa kabilang row ko lang naman sila. I even kept some of these letters.
Science camp/Initiation Night. Another excue to stay with friends overnight. Since science club officers kami, we get to plan this and science camp for us is not just a day but it starts a month before the date kasi nga we had to plan for it pa. The initiation is not that bad naman. It's not the hazing eklat but it did scare some freshies then =)
Crushes. We only had a few boys in school but still there were the cute ones. It was kilig-mode when I see my crush and more so when he talks to me. My major crushes that time were jonathan brandis and brad renfro (both are dead now)
CAT. I applied to be an officer but my parents won't sign my waiver so I ended up as a cadette. Most of my barkada were officers but they never left me and my two other friends off the hook easily. We still got punished (pumping! squat! squat thrust!) and it was funny coz after we get punished we won't talk to our officer friend til the next day (right maj? hahaha)
Field trips. There is only one trip that stands out and it was to represent our school for a science week celebration. It stood out becase the entire barkada was there so it did not feel like school work but lakwatsa. And we even won some contests =)
Mga overnight para sa mga projects (kuno). Nothing could get done coz we usually end up talking or watching our favorite series like Charmed, Seaquest DSV, Dawson's Creek. Locally, I personally loved TGIS (s0 sue me! hahaha!)
Music tripping. The soundtrack of our high school life consists of songs from the eraserheads (mostly!), bon jovi (i promised ez i won't deny this! LOL), bush, collective soul, savage garden (another "hahaha" for this!), backstreet boys and nsync (LOL ulit) better than ezra, salt n’ pepa, big mountain, mr. big, aerosmith, pearl jam, nirvana, sonic youth, red hot chili peppers, smashing pumpkins (1979! yeah!) the verve, gin blossoms, vanessa mae (for me!) among others.
Those are what I miss most about high school.
But what I truly truly miss are my friends. Being with them. Just hanging out doing nothing. Or talking about any topic the whole day…and night. Or listening to the soundtrack of our high school life.
Just being in the moment.
Ikaw, what do you miss about high school?
So what do I miss about high school?
My barkada. There are 10 of us in our high school barkada. We were all girls but later on, we made room for two guys. I think we were the least one-dimensional group. We had different personalities. We had the super maldita girl while I was the super tolerant one. We had the math whiz and the english/literature lover. We had the uber fashionista who can make even katsa glamorous (isdatchugayle?) and the ever present "manang" (we miss you mariles). In our electives, we had our different areas - I was in business class with some friends, there were two in home economics, some in agriculture, and the rest in industrial arts class. Membership to different clubs were varied too. I joined music, some joined arts, others joined the dance club and some were just too happy to be "non-artists" (sila na lang daw papalakpak when we perform.LOL). What we had in common though was the science club and the student council (in third year and fourth year). Yes, we were geeks. And proud of it.
Kainan na! jollibee, mcdo, aristocrat, Lola Maria's, suking tindahan na ginagawang tambayan minsan, 15minute breaktimes na tatakbo sa pinakamalapit na mall at mag grocery ng 'sangkaterbang junkfoods. the word diet was never in our vocabulary!
Kulitan pag class. Syempre di mawawala ang kulitan. We used to tally our teachers' mannerisms, we copied each others' homeworks and sometimes quizzes, my friends have my notebook photocopied kasi tamad silang mag copy, and yes, sometimes we cut classes.
Exams. Our exams days were different. We get mixed with the upper and lower years to minimize cheating. So if I were a sophomore about to take an exam in a room, the person to my right is a freshman, the person to my left is a junior, the person in front is a senior, the person at the back is someone from the other section. It was actually not a good idea coz our ate's and kuya's usually give us the answers and we did the same when we were the ate's and kuya's na.
Intramurals. I was bigger then but i played sports - basketball, badminton, soccer, softball. I had no choice coz there were only a few of us in our batch so when a player is needed, kahit lalampa-lampa lang, go!
Contests. Yung mga practice til the late hours of the night (at naghihintay na ang mga sundo namin), yung mga bloopers on stage, yung mga times when we won and celebrated and times we didn't (and concluded na dinaya kami) and cried our eyes out.
Our Teachers. Just like us, students, our teachers had different personalities. We had the strict one, we had the easy-going one. We had the not-so-handsome straight guy, we had the super gwapo gay guy. We had the plump one, we had the stick thin-like one. Our favorite pastime when we're bored is to tally our teachers mannerisms and compare the numbers after class. I had my favorite teachers - Sir T, Ma'am H, Ma'am N and Ma'am L. Sir T was our science teacher as well as our science club adviser. He handled our chemistry - general, organic and biochemistry classes (our school was a special/advanced subjects type...nerd nga eh). He's the reason why I love chem and why I am in my chem-related field today. Ma'am H was our biology teacher. She was one of the prettiest teachers in school. Ma'am N was our music teacher and our choir conductor. She made me love music even more and she introduced me to the different genres. She's very supportive of our musical endeavors and she pushed us beyond what we thought were our limitations. Lastly, there was Ma'am L. She's our classmate's mom. She handled journalism and was sort of our guidance councilor. She was our mom away from home.
Acquaintance and Christmas Parties. We had our parties in school after which our barkada will continue partying at one of our friends' house (usually kina maj). We were not into going out to party. We were happy just staying home at a friend's house watching movies and doing chika til the next day. Christmas parties were fun. We had our kris kringle but usually we ended up giving each kabarkada a gift or even just a simple token.
Watching movies at the mall. During my high school, we were into The Mighty Ducks craze. I remember that my crush was Fulton Reed and later on I had Joshua Jackson as my object of affection. Other movies worth mentioning were With Honors, Reality Bites, Pet Semetary, The Cutting Edge, at mag-iisip pa ako ng iba.
Prom. I never had a boyfriend in high school and my "date" was my good friend but I always enjoyed prom. It was a reason to get all dolled up. Plus, it was another excuse to have a sleepover at a hotel room or a friend's house.
Writing letters to my friends. kahit katabi/nasa likod/nasa kabilang row ko lang naman sila. I even kept some of these letters.
Science camp/Initiation Night. Another excue to stay with friends overnight. Since science club officers kami, we get to plan this and science camp for us is not just a day but it starts a month before the date kasi nga we had to plan for it pa. The initiation is not that bad naman. It's not the hazing eklat but it did scare some freshies then =)
Crushes. We only had a few boys in school but still there were the cute ones. It was kilig-mode when I see my crush and more so when he talks to me. My major crushes that time were jonathan brandis and brad renfro (both are dead now)
CAT. I applied to be an officer but my parents won't sign my waiver so I ended up as a cadette. Most of my barkada were officers but they never left me and my two other friends off the hook easily. We still got punished (pumping! squat! squat thrust!) and it was funny coz after we get punished we won't talk to our officer friend til the next day (right maj? hahaha)
Field trips. There is only one trip that stands out and it was to represent our school for a science week celebration. It stood out becase the entire barkada was there so it did not feel like school work but lakwatsa. And we even won some contests =)
Mga overnight para sa mga projects (kuno). Nothing could get done coz we usually end up talking or watching our favorite series like Charmed, Seaquest DSV, Dawson's Creek. Locally, I personally loved TGIS (s0 sue me! hahaha!)
Music tripping. The soundtrack of our high school life consists of songs from the eraserheads (mostly!), bon jovi (i promised ez i won't deny this! LOL), bush, collective soul, savage garden (another "hahaha" for this!), backstreet boys and nsync (LOL ulit) better than ezra, salt n’ pepa, big mountain, mr. big, aerosmith, pearl jam, nirvana, sonic youth, red hot chili peppers, smashing pumpkins (1979! yeah!) the verve, gin blossoms, vanessa mae (for me!) among others.
Those are what I miss most about high school.
But what I truly truly miss are my friends. Being with them. Just hanging out doing nothing. Or talking about any topic the whole day…and night. Or listening to the soundtrack of our high school life.
Just being in the moment.
Ikaw, what do you miss about high school?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Me
Not everybody is given the same chance in this life.
Airports make me sad. Departure or arrival - they are the same. I think I have abandonment issues.
I say please and thank you. I expect you to do the same.
I pray the rosary every night.
At elementary, the thought of entering the convent crossed my mind.
I've never been called in the Principal's office. Maybe I should have been.
I never liked clubs or clubbing. I'd rather be sitting somewhere having good conversation.
I stay away from malicious people. I am excellent at tuning out people.
It's not easy for me to make friends.
It rains wherever I get my car washed and shiny. I have a cloud over my head.
I have a younger brother i looooooooooooooooove to bits!
I adore fine things in life. I am also okay without most of them.
My mother is the most glamorous woman I know. My father is the most intelligent man. Now if only I had this winning combination.
I have a problem saying no.
My mistakes are irreparable. So I charge them to experience.
Life is all about coming and going, in and out, with or without, staying or leaving. One cannot build without breaking, or break without building.
How do you shield the ones you love from pain?
My father wanted to name me Augusta. Shit.
I seldom curse. Honest.
I admire gentlemen. I really do. And chivalry is not dead.
I like words like Sir and Ma'am, please and thank you.
I am a loyal friend and I don't get jealous of them. I am always happy for them.
During a difficult time, my friend wrote me: There is nothing that requires undoing, I know that you make sensible decisions for yourself so don't second guess that.
I don't ask for the same favour when I've been refused the first time.
At 14, I wrote my first novel. It was a school project. I realized then I could never write a novel.
I don't apologize for what I am. I get sad for what I have not become.
I am very sad right now.
Ask if you need anything from me. I will not approach. I am terrible at guessing and I am not a mind reader.
What is it about the signs on doors that I never get? I have a problem differentiating push from pull. I also walk into glass doors!
Love and hate are two words I never use unless I mean them.
I absolutely hate retrieving voicemail messages. I also hate paying bills.
I don't respond well to intimidation.
I love mango, avocado, papaya and banana. Apple is evil.
I don't drink milk
Idiosyncracies make one interesting.
I don't forget bad things. They are not repressed. They are controlled.
I like Philosophy.
When I break, I am broken forever. Time does not heal, and the heart does not regenerate. That piece is gone. Time only helps me learn how to live without that piece.
I disappear when hurt. The deeper the wound, the harder for me to crawl out of my shell.
I wish I never stopped playing the violin.
I used to be in a choir.
Books are the only things I want to bring to heaven.
It's nice when people say I'm sweet.
I wish I were proficient enough to spill what is contained in me into stories. Alas, words in abundance is not a gift bestowed on me.
Being out of place is normal for me. I don't pretend I fit in.
I love traveling but I always get seasick/airsick/carsick.
I do pay attention. Everything I see or feel is contained in me.
I'm not sure which hurts the most: when I tell the truth, or talk less or say nothing at all.
I wake up in the middle of the night and feel pain. I feel it in places I can't recognize.
I'm not difficult. Sometimes i can be a pushover.
Everyone has a sliver of superficiality in him/her. I am in denial about this sometimes.
Please do not overestimate my ability to understand.
I have a great sense of humor. No one is required to get it.
I am socially inept. If you are one of those who assume I am snotty, you are 50% correct.
When I walk in a room, I pick up vibes right away.
I am a crybaby.
My favorite holiday is Christmas.
I am neither a trouble maker nor a spoiled girl.
Being spoiled by someone is a privilege I deny to myself.
What is North, South, East, West? I can't read maps!
By the time you finish reading this list, you will have already formed an opinion about me. After all you've known me well enough after reading this post in..what... 5 minutes? In 25 minutes!?! (tsk, you're a slow reader!)
I am a fast reader.
Tell me your secrets.
Airports make me sad. Departure or arrival - they are the same. I think I have abandonment issues.
I say please and thank you. I expect you to do the same.
I pray the rosary every night.
At elementary, the thought of entering the convent crossed my mind.
I've never been called in the Principal's office. Maybe I should have been.
I never liked clubs or clubbing. I'd rather be sitting somewhere having good conversation.
I stay away from malicious people. I am excellent at tuning out people.
It's not easy for me to make friends.
It rains wherever I get my car washed and shiny. I have a cloud over my head.
I have a younger brother i looooooooooooooooove to bits!
I adore fine things in life. I am also okay without most of them.
My mother is the most glamorous woman I know. My father is the most intelligent man. Now if only I had this winning combination.
I have a problem saying no.
My mistakes are irreparable. So I charge them to experience.
Life is all about coming and going, in and out, with or without, staying or leaving. One cannot build without breaking, or break without building.
How do you shield the ones you love from pain?
My father wanted to name me Augusta. Shit.
I seldom curse. Honest.
I admire gentlemen. I really do. And chivalry is not dead.
I like words like Sir and Ma'am, please and thank you.
I am a loyal friend and I don't get jealous of them. I am always happy for them.
During a difficult time, my friend wrote me: There is nothing that requires undoing, I know that you make sensible decisions for yourself so don't second guess that.
I don't ask for the same favour when I've been refused the first time.
At 14, I wrote my first novel. It was a school project. I realized then I could never write a novel.
I don't apologize for what I am. I get sad for what I have not become.
I am very sad right now.
Ask if you need anything from me. I will not approach. I am terrible at guessing and I am not a mind reader.
What is it about the signs on doors that I never get? I have a problem differentiating push from pull. I also walk into glass doors!
Love and hate are two words I never use unless I mean them.
I absolutely hate retrieving voicemail messages. I also hate paying bills.
I don't respond well to intimidation.
I love mango, avocado, papaya and banana. Apple is evil.
I don't drink milk
Idiosyncracies make one interesting.
I don't forget bad things. They are not repressed. They are controlled.
I like Philosophy.
When I break, I am broken forever. Time does not heal, and the heart does not regenerate. That piece is gone. Time only helps me learn how to live without that piece.
I disappear when hurt. The deeper the wound, the harder for me to crawl out of my shell.
I wish I never stopped playing the violin.
I used to be in a choir.
Books are the only things I want to bring to heaven.
It's nice when people say I'm sweet.
I wish I were proficient enough to spill what is contained in me into stories. Alas, words in abundance is not a gift bestowed on me.
Being out of place is normal for me. I don't pretend I fit in.
I love traveling but I always get seasick/airsick/carsick.
I do pay attention. Everything I see or feel is contained in me.
I'm not sure which hurts the most: when I tell the truth, or talk less or say nothing at all.
I wake up in the middle of the night and feel pain. I feel it in places I can't recognize.
I'm not difficult. Sometimes i can be a pushover.
Everyone has a sliver of superficiality in him/her. I am in denial about this sometimes.
Please do not overestimate my ability to understand.
I have a great sense of humor. No one is required to get it.
I am socially inept. If you are one of those who assume I am snotty, you are 50% correct.
When I walk in a room, I pick up vibes right away.
I am a crybaby.
My favorite holiday is Christmas.
I am neither a trouble maker nor a spoiled girl.
Being spoiled by someone is a privilege I deny to myself.
What is North, South, East, West? I can't read maps!
By the time you finish reading this list, you will have already formed an opinion about me. After all you've known me well enough after reading this post in..what... 5 minutes? In 25 minutes!?! (tsk, you're a slow reader!)
I am a fast reader.
Tell me your secrets.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
a thought lately
when i see people do the things they do, i sometimes stop and wonder if what i'm doing is actually the right thing
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