just got home from date night with my brother.

and  just have to say this out loud coz it just makes me feel sad....

i am soooooo tired. and frustrated. and did i mention sad?

 i planned so long for this. waited so long for what were supposed to be happy "us" days. and just when i am bursting with excitement, once again, it feels as if i will never get what i want.

it's just heartbreaking.

*i might take this post down one day but right now it's just so depressing. right now, i am NOT ok

Dishonesty is to act without honesty. It is used to describe a lack of probity, cheating, lying or being deliberately deceptive.

Cheating refers to an immoral way of achieving a goal. It is generally used for the breaking of rules to gain advantage in a given situation.

Flirting or coquetry is a sexual activity involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest with the other person. The person flirting will send out signals of sexual availability to another, and expects to see the interest returned in order to continue flirting. Flirting can involve non-verbal signs, such as an exchange of glances, hand-touching, hair-touching, or verbal signs, such as chatting up, flattering comments, and exchange of telephone numbers in order to initiate further contact.

there are no grey areas. 

there are no "levels"

cheating. lying. flirting. 

dishonesty.

it's just is.

there's no "harmless" form. 

all you end up is hurting the people who love you.

Walk well.

There’s open doors, doors forced open and doors that blast off from their hinges just because you come nearer. Today, I learned the difference.

There is wisdom (and much salvation from future grief) in knowing the difference.

Easier said than done isn't it?

"We lose ourselves when we hold on to anger thinking it is a weapon to get back at those who hurt us, instead we adversely let others have a say over our emotions. Be angry but do not keep it inside. Squeeze everything out until the only thing left is the person that was there before all the hurt.

Someone who is drowning in the river of turmoil can only be saved by the person who built the dam of resentment. To attain harmony within is a choice you have to make and no one else". – Dodinsky

faith

God placed hopes and dreams in my heart a long time ago. I thought they were dead and buried good… until a very very special one was reawakened late last year. I prayed so hard for an answer. I still don’t get why, although I am very thankful for my answered prayer. This dream is what my heart longs for and sometimes I get scared I might not get it. And with current circumstances as they are, it seems even more impossible still that it’ll come true. But I’m hopeful that even when I don’t see His hand, it is at work. All I need to do is have faith that things will be right really really soon.

*Just had to remind myself that. Ok. Good night.

in the future

i beg to differ...

 

dependability...character...those are sexy