missing

i chanced by "so you think you can dance?" finals (i think it's season2) and i saw a contemporary piece by mia something. the music is "home" by bill porter and it was about the reunion of a daughter to her deceased dad.

i dunno what got into me but while watching the 2minute dance i started bawling.

cried my eyes out

i suddenly remembered my mom and how much i miss her. it's been ten years since she died.

suddenly i felt so alone.

so lost.

i keep thinking about how life could have been if she did not die.

would i still be here or would i have gone somewhere else?

would i have made the same decisions i've made since she died?

what could have been?